The truth is we aren’t.
I could tell you we feel things deeper. We care more. We are more sensitive and understanding and compassionate because the only thing worse than overcoming others is overcoming your own demons.
Because the reality of falling in love with someone who has depression comes with entering a world and a topic you probably don’t know much about. But in time, you’ll learn first hand how depression affects someone.
There is nothing glamorized about the nights we fall apart and are a complete basket case and there’s going to be nothing you can do to fix it. And before your eyes, it’s not this person you might have fallen in love with. Everything about us looks the same but it’s like a switch went off and you’re trying to bring us back but all you can do is watch in horror like we’ve transformed into some kind of monster.
There is nothing lovely about those days where our head takes us to a really dark place and we become a version of ourselves we don’t recognize. Or those times we haven’t eaten or showered or left the house in days and you want to help but you feel helpless too.
There’s a sadness to watching the person you love in public put on such an act and you watch because you know how good they are at fooling everyone. There’s a sadness to watching someone you love, make others and yourself so happy and you just want them to bring as much joy to themselves.
There’s heartbreak to holding the person you love as they cry and they wonder why you love them. And they tell you to leave. They tell you can do better than someone who cannot control this mental illness that they blame themselves for. But you know it’s not their fault. You know when they push you away is when they need you most.
To love someone with depression is understanding a simple trigger will bring them to a very dark place they don’t wish to go to but can’t control.
It’s knowing to not at the question “why are depressed?” Because we don’t have an answer.
It just comes in unwanted waves one after another drowning us in our own deep thoughts and we don’t want to reach for you to save us. We don’t want to seem like a burden. We don’t want you to feel obligated to be here out of guilt. Because we feel guilty enough for putting you through this. And that’s why people with depression are hardest to love.
Loving someone with depression is the anticipation of those days. You’re always waiting for this thing to ruin your best day. It stays hidden lurking in the shadows.
When you love someone with depression you want to help. You hold them in the late hours of the night when they are crying. You tell them to go back to sleep when it’s two am and they are awake.
So no people with depression aren’t the best to fall in love with because it takes a very rare person to be able to tolerate that and choose to that.
And together you begin to just take it one day at a time. You begin to appreciate the good days that are few and far between but make the bad days worth tolerating.
The truth is if you love someone with depression and you can help them through their bad days, you can be the light in the darkness, be the company in states of loneliness in return you will find someone who loves you unconditionally.
In return, you’ll have someone who will do anything for you and someone who will never stop telling you how much you mean to them. You’ll find someone who always puts effort into you even if it comes in the form of overcompensating.
There is something to be said about someone who has the ability to channel this negativity in their life into something positive.
There is something to be said about this person who works hard and stays busy and accomplishes a lot simply because that’s what will keep them having “good days.”