I’m going to share something really, well, amusing.
Recently, I was hanging out with a woman and I looked at her and said, “You know, you’re really s*xy.”
Her reaction was, “Well today, I’m really not. You see, I have this thing with my eye. My hair’s not exactly the way it’s supposed to be. I’m just feeling like a quarter of a pound too fat this morning, for some odd reason.”
I thought this was pretty funny and I started thinking about how many times in my life I’ve told a woman something, given her a compliment, told her she’s really hot, and then she comes back with “No, today I’m really not.”
Go with the feeling that it brings up.
Go with the vulnerability that’s going to come with it. Because the minute you say something that you’re not, you’re really telling the person oh, wait a second, I can’t take a compliment when I really should take the compliment.
Compliments are beautiful things, but when they happen, human nature kicks in and we tend to feel like we have to say something, instead of just saying thank you.
We feel like we have to defend it, or rationalize it, or say that we’re really not this right now.
When someone walks over to you and says, “You know, you’re absolutely stunningly beautiful, that’s right, you. You’re stunningly beautiful,” instead of just going, “No, not me, little old me,” look at the person and say, “Thank you.”
Because when a man compliments you, it’s his way of becoming vulnerable around you.
You want to understand men better? When a man looks at you and tells you you’re s*xy, he’s feeling something for you in that moment. He’s having an emotion about you in that moment. He’s expressing a way he feels about you in that moment. He’s trying to get closer to you in that moment.
It’s not easy for most men to give a compliment. Matter of fact, most men are really challenged giving a compliment.
In my men’s boot camp, there’s a compliments lesson that we do. We actually send guys out to give compliments, authentic compliments, to women that they see on the street. The guys will go out and give a compliment to the first woman that they find. Why? Because they just want to get it over with, because it’s such a difficult challenge for them.
So when a man is sitting opposite you, and he says from his heart, “God, you’re beautiful,” take it in. Because what he’s trying to do is get closer to you as a woman.
He’s trying to show you a side of him, the vulnerable side, the real side, the side that you are craving and desiring.
The side that you really want him to show off. But every time you shoot it down, he thinks to himself, well that’s all right, I’m not going to give another compliment again. As a matter of fact, I’m not going to go down that road at all, I’m just going to talk about the weather and talk about other things.
The true meaning behind a man’s compliment is he’s trying to get closer to you, trying to be more open and trying to open you up, so the two of you can go somewhere different. He’s not looking to have a compliment back (hint that it kind of helps sometimes, though.) “Oh, you’re so s*xy, too.” You don’t need to say that unless you feel it.
We’re always trying to find people who feel, and this is a way for a man to feel. Men feel on a visual side first, before they feel on an emotional side. So, he’s trying to get in touch, he’s trying to get closer to you.
When a man sees a woman for the first time – let’s say you’re dating a man and you’ve known him for a certain period of time and you’re hanging out together, getting to know one another and every time he sees you, for the very first time, he hasn’t seen you in a week – he looks at you and goes, “You’re so hot.”
“God, you’re so s*xy, you’re beautiful, you smell great.” This means he’s starting to like you, and he’s starting to tell you that in his own words. Because if he thinks you’re hot every single time you walk in, it means that you’re actually getting hotter to him. It means he’s actually starting to think, maybe I can hang out with this girl, maybe I’m going to like this girl, maybe I want to be with her, maybe there’s a future past this moment.
Because that’s what a man is doing when he starts opening up. He’s opening up on the physical side first.
I’m not talking about the random compliments that some dude on the street gives you. I’m talking about a guy that you’ve been dating a little bit, you’ve been seeing a little bit, and you both kind of like one another.
He’s actually trying to open up a little bit. He’s trying to show you another side of him, trying to go deeper into a conversation, trying to get to know you on a different level.
Anyway, this is just a little note about what a compliment really means. Hope it helps.