We all have dealbreakers – that is, certain traits or behaviours that we absolutely won’t tolerate in a partner. Though many of us can agree on some common dealbreakers, each Myers-Briggs personality type has a slightly different take on which ones are completely non-negotiable.
ENFP: Having limits placed on their freedom.
ENFPs have big visions of what they want to experience in life – and they aren’t interested in discarding those visions for anyone else. Though they’re happy to accommodate and incorporate a partner into their lives, the ENFP has no interest in a relationship that is going to hold them back – they need an open-minded partner who is happy to explore and adventure their way through life together.
INFP: Being close-minded.
When Winona Ryder said, “I think too much. I think ahead. I think behind. I think sideways. I think it all. If it exists, I’ve fucking thought of it,” She may as well have been describing the INFP personality. This type is obsessively open-minded and there’s nothing more infuriating to them than a person who refuses to consider alternate points of view. INFPs need a deep, compelling partner who can keep up with their ever-shifting kaleidoscope of thoughts and emotions.
INFJ: Feeling unable to fully trust their partner.
INFJs are long-term oriented individuals who invest their emotions carefully. They aren’t looking for a partner who might bail or run out on them at a moment’s notice – they need someone they can trust to stick around for the long haul. When entering a new relationship, INFJs are consistently evaluating whether or not their partner is someone they can safely invest their love in long-term – and if they get the sense that they aren’t, they won’t waste any more time on the relationship.
ENFJ: Feeling unneeded.
ENFJs live to give to others. This generous type serves a well of wisdom and support for those around them and in a relationship they thrive on feeling needed. If the ENFJ’s partner refuses to open up and share their struggles with the ENFJ, the ENFJ may feel as though they have no purpose within the partnership. And that perceived lack of purpose will be romantically unsatisfying to the ENFJ, who will likely elect to leave the relationship.
INTJs seek the truth at all costs – and their relationships are no exception to this rule. INTJs loathe being duped, lied to or kept in the dark. They want to make all decisions about their relationships from an informed perspective – and if they feel as though they’re lacking that perspective, they’ll be quick to leave any partner who won’t be upfront and honest with them.
ENTJs show their love through acts of diligence and loyalty – and they expect the same back from their partners. To an ENTJ, love is a verb, not a feeling. The moment they suspect that a partner may be willing to betray or act against them, they will not hesitate to shut them out. Relationships are a matter of risk management to the ENTJ and if you’re not going to play devotedly for their team, you can find another.
INTP: A partner who cannot think critically.
INTPs are the ultimate critical thinkers – this type won’t accept any thought, fact or opinion until they’ve examined it thoroughly, from every available angle. Though they may not expect their partners to be as intellectually thorough as they are, they need to be paired with someone who wants to learn, advance and grow alongside them. After all, if the INTP can’t discuss the latest theory they’re interested in, they’re going to have very little left to discuss.
ENTPs are curious, explorative and eager to push boundaries. They approach relationships the way they approach everything else – with curiosity and an unquenchable enthusiasm to learn more. There is nothing more exciting to an ENTP than a person they can’t quite figure out – and there’s nothing more boring to them than someone they can. This type enjoys complicated, multi-dimensional partners who challenge them intellectually. Someone who is consistent to the point of rigidity gives the ENTP nothing to explore and learn from – which means the ENTP will likely tire of them quickly.
ESFJ: Unwillingness to commit.
ESFJs take their love lives seriously. This organized type always has one eye on the future and they need a partner who can keep up. They plan for the long-term – so if you can’t see yourself in their future, you can see yourself out of their lives. ESFJs don’t have the patience for flakiness or uncertainty – if they’re in a relationship they’re all in and they expect the same from their partners.
ISFJs need a partner they can relax with and feel comfortable around – and being a sensitive type by nature, that means they need a partner who cares deeply about both their feelings and the feelings of others. Obnoxious or arrogant personalities don’t fly with this kind and collected type – they put their best foot forward for others and they need a partner who can and will do the same.
ESFP: Having limits placed on their socializing.
ESFPs are the ultimate people-people. It’s incredibly important for this type to be able to maintain a wide, active social circle outside of their relationship – and a partner who wants to place limits on that circle isn’t going to last long with the ESFP. This free-spirited type needs to feel connected to a community. A jealous or controlling partner who can’t handle them socializing outside of the relationship is a definite deal breaker for this type.
ISFP: Being unable to express their true selves.
ISFPs are wildly creative and difficult to get to know well. More than anything else, this type wants a partner who takes the time to get to know them on a deep level and accept them exactly as they are. If the ISFP feels uncomfortable or unable to express who they truly are within a relationship, they will see little use in continuing it.
ESTJs take a pragmatic approach to everything and relationships are no exception. This type wants a partner they can rely on to be loyal, devoted and committed. If they perceive excessive inconsistencies within a person’s actions over a period of time, they are likely to feel distrustful towards them – and consider them unsuitable for long-term partnership.
ISTJ: Deviance from their personal system of values.
ISTJs are incredibly principled individuals who base all of their decisions on a core set of values. And they need a partner who lives his or her life in accordance with those same values, or else they’ll have trouble finding common ground. This type needs to feel a mutual respect for whoever they’re in a relationship with and if they perceive the other person to be morally corrupt in some way, the ISTJ will have a difficult time mustering that respect.
ESTPs are action-oriented folk and they need someone who can keep up. It’s not that they need you to be a marathon runner or a trade skydiver to date them, but do they need someone who’s open and adaptable to their fast-paced lifestyle. ESTPs can’t handle a partner who only wants to sit at home and deliberate – this type wants to be where the action is and they need someone who is willing and eager to join them.
ISTPs make for incredibly independent partners and they need to be paired with someone who understands this. They love and care for their partners, but they aren’t interested in constantly reassuring them of such – if their loved ones can’t take their actions as expressions of love, the ISTP won’t have the patience to carry on the relationship.