Regardless of experience, we all dream of rom-com sex – silk bed sheets, candles, passion and beautiful intertwined bodies. In real life, however, couples face some challenges when it comes to recreating the silver screen ideal. In real life, sex can be boring, disappointing or a bit messy. Thus, there could be a big divide between expectations and reality.
Sometimes, in their efforts to be the best in bed women make mistakes that interfere with having a fulfilling and 100 percent satisfactory experience. Good sex involves two people and paying attention to things that you do before, during and after sex can show you where the problem is. The following list includes the top 13 mistakes that women make in bed. Chances are that you’re guilty of at least one of these and even if you are, don’t worry. Having spectacular sex isn’t that difficult when you open up about it.
13-Faking The Big ‘O’
Every woman has one of these days when sex just does not seem to do the trick and faking an orgasm seems to be the only appropriate way to end it. That’s not such a big issue although being dishonest will harm both of you. The problem becomes major when faking an orgasm becomes the norm.
Faking an orgasm is a betrayal, regardless of the length of your relationship. But there’s even a bigger problem. The more you fake it, the less likely you are to have a real orgasm. Don’t just settle for mediocre sex. If you tell your partner what you want and you show him how to get things done, chances are that your intimate life will instantly be taken to a whole new level.
12-Being Verbose During The Deed
Some people are more verbose than others but during sex, this could literally kill the mood.
There is a big difference between talking dirty to stimulate your partner and talking about how your day had gone. Share with your partner how much you like the things that they’re doing or give a few naughty directions. This way, you’re encouraging him and improving your sexual life.
Try to find the balance and pay attention to signs. If he tries to shut your mouth with a kiss every time when you try to tell him how your day went, chances are that the side talk is way too distracting for good sex.
11-Thinking About What You Have To Do Afterwards
Sex makes people happy, relaxed and satisfied. It’s the best therapy after a stressful day and we all know the qualities of make up sex after a big fight. Still, this exciting experience could be ruined by your conscious thoughts. If you catch yourself thinking about dish washing or the new face cream you need to buy tomorrow, chances are that you’re not enjoying sex to the fullest.
Instead of having mediocre sex just because you have to do it, talk to your partner and postpone the session. If you’re too tired in the end of the day, you can get intimate the next morning.
Focusing on sex will let you build a better connection with your partner and explore the unexpected sides of your sexuality. Every couple changes in time and learning how to satisfy each other is a two-way process – you get and you give.
10-A Passive Approach
Every couple has a partner who’s a bit more dominant and a partner who’s a bit more submissive. Some women assume that the man has to lead when it comes to sex. But most men have a different opinion and they will always welcome a woman who is confident in herself and willing to make the first step. It’s even better when she takes charge in bed throughout the session.
Don’t be afraid to show your partner what you want. Confidence is sexy and it can drive him wild. Changing roles in your sex life is healthy and exciting. A few small experiments or improvisations can seriously improve your sexual experience.
9-Poor Hygiene And No Effort To Make It Sexy
Personal hygiene is very important if you want to enjoy each other thoroughly. Chances are that you’ve sweated throughout the day or you’re tired. Hop in the shower before sex and if you want to make bath time a bit more exciting, take your partner along.
Just think about it – chances are that you don’t want to kiss a smelly body. The same applies to your sexual partner. Besides, hygienic practices can become a part of your foreplay. Believe it or not, there are men out there who love watching their girls have a shower and even shave their legs. These preparations build some anticipation – he knows what’s coming next and he can’t wait to get down to business.
Ladies in longer relationships often forget that men love sexy lingerie, the scent of perfume, the touch of silky smooth skin and naughty outfits. You can sleep in your fluffy pajamas but when it comes to passion, try to have at least a couple of exciting lacy outfits for him to take off. You don’t need to put on brand new underwear every time and he isn’t going to mind the typical undergarments you wear (spontaneity isn’t going to always give you time for preparation). A thong every now and then instead of those cotton granny panties will be a pleasant surprise for both of you.
8- Too Much Planning
Busy schedules may force you to have a plan for everything, including sex. While it’s a good idea to have a sex schedule, spontaneous sex remains a must. Being spontaneous in bed (or in the car, in the office or the restaurant for that matter) is going to keep the spark alive. Put yourself in unconventional situations. You’re not a teen but who says that you can’t have sex in the night club’s bathroom for a change? Sure, it may be slightly awkward but it will make you both feel particularly naughty.
You can experiment in your bedroom too. Bring food to the bedroom. Try role playing. Explore each other’s fantasies. It doesn’t have to be missionary every single time and once you begin exploring the options, you’ll feel an even bigger urge to be spontaneous.
7-Being Too Prim And Proper
Building self-esteem in sex takes time. Many women suffer from serious body issues that prevent them from experimenting and letting go of socially-set norms.
Remember that nobody’s perfect, so being proud of your body is the best way to start loving sex. The fact that he’s in bed with you means that he loves your body. It’s time to start acting accordingly. Sex with the lights on can be a lot of fun. Let him see you and if you’re conscious about problem areas, choose a flattering outfit.
Women also tend to be too prim and proper in other ways because they don’t want to be labeled as easy or promiscuous. This is the main reason why options like masturbation in front of a partner, directing him on how to give you an orgasm or experimenting with unusual poses remain a fantasy for many women. Try to break out of the mold. Tell him what you’d like to do. If he seems to be enthusiastic about the idea, you’ll find it very easy to deal with the shyness.
6-“Everything Has To Be Perfect” Syndrome
Do you think that perfect sex exists and you simply haven’t had it yet? Is it like the perfect man? If so, you may be missing on the pleasure of good sex while waiting for something non-existent to materialize itself.
Trying to be perfect at all costs will prevent you from experiencing the joy of imperfect, messy, sweaty sex. If you’re putting too many effort on the perfect dinner and romantic atmosphere, spending hours on doing your makeup and hair, chances are that you’ll find sex mediocre at best. You’re building high expectations and no matter how hard he tries, chances are that your partner isn’t going to be capable of performing at the level you expect.
Sex provides people with simple pleasure and working on all those hindrances is useless. A few nice details like perfume, scented candles and silk sheets will be sufficient to set the mood.
5-Expecting Him To Be A Fortune Teller
How often do you talk about sex with your partner? If you can’t vocalize your desires, you’re just like many other women.
Tell your partner what you like in sex and what you don’t. Overcome the limits of your prejudices. If you’re ready to share the most intimate details about your sexual life with your best friend, why are you afraid to talk about those with your partner?
Dissatisfaction is easily recognizable and faking orgasm is not an option. Try to show your partner how to give you pleasure – don’t be afraid to talk, direct his hand and show him what you want. What turns one woman on doesn’t work for everybody and you can’t expect an orgasm because of his previous experience. It can still happen if he’s intuitive enough but he’ll love your desire to talk about sex.
If your answer to sex toys, porn and maybe even light bondage is “no,” you’re missing on an opportunity to discover what you really like. Putting sex in a box prevents people from being real in their emotions and desires. Watching porn won’t change his opinion of you but it may help with getting inspired. Experimenting is a good thing and it will keep sex fun even after years of being together.
Buying some sex toys is a great way to surprise your partner for an anniversary or just because you want to spice things up. If you don’t like some technique or experiment, you can easily say no.
3-Comparing Him To Your Ex
Do you tend to compare your current partner with your ex? That’s a big no-no, even if your ex was a sex god. Comparing means that you still think about your ex and you’re not over the past. This behavior will make your current partner feel insecure and in need to constantly prove his sexual power.
If he asks you about your previous relationship, you’re free to answer. Avoid providing many details. Men are very sensitive when it comes to sex and being compared with other men. It’s in their nature to compete but being told about how somebody else is doing it will probably leave them hurt.
Even if the sex isn’t that great, you can’t simply go ahead and criticize him. You can guide him and you can be honest about a difficulty in achieving orgasm. Giving him suggestions and directions during sex itself, however, is the right thing to do. Telling him that he simply didn’t do a good job when you’re done will be anything but productive.
Avoid direct insults and putting the blame on him. Think about the possible ways to improve the situation without making your partner feel less confident. You’ll feel bad if he tells you that you’re mediocre in bed. Don’t do it to him.
Oral sex is a taboo for many women both when it comes to giving and receiving. Some ladies think that giving him a blowjob is degrading while concerns about personal hygiene prevent them from receiving.
There’s no man on earth that will turn you down when it comes to oral sex. For many, this act is even more intimate and exciting than penetrative sex itself. Even if you don’t like giving oral sex, there are still things you can do to make it fun.
Get some flavored condoms, if you worry about the taste or hygiene. That’s a fun option for spicing things up and making oral sex exciting for both of you. Use your hands, as well! Start slow, experiment and see what you feel comfortable with. Turning the idea down from the very beginning is only going to make him feel bad. And one final thing – if he insists on giving you oral sex, don’t hesitate. Once you stop feeling so conscious of your body, you’ll have the time of your life.