These days, it feels like zodiac signs and horoscopes are everywhere you look. You can’t spend 20 minutes online without seeing at least one meme about how stubborn Taureans are, or an article about the character traits you’ll find in loyal Leos. But while horoscopes are definitely fun to read, they’ve never really been my thing. I know, I know… hot take. I just don’t believe in the validity of horoscopes. Sue me, but it just seems… unrealistic. But all of that was recently put to the test when I tried a vibrator kit designed for my zodiac sign — and honestly? Apart from being fun, it taught me things I’ll never forget about embracing my sexuality. Trust me, I’m just as surprised as you are.
Let me just start out by saying that I’m a Gemini, which might give some of you an opinion of me straight off the bat. Geminis are apparently terrible, although I, personally, am not offended, considering I don’t believe in zodiacs or horoscopes anyways. All of my disbelief aside, Babeland and Good Vibrationsrecently joined forces with Bijoux Indiscrets to create vibrator kits designed specifically for each zodiac sign, and I’m so glad they did. When I got mine in the mail, I couldn’t wait to get started.
According to the companies, the set “brings together astrology and pleasure as well as spirituality and wellness in 12 unique sets to match each sign of the zodiac.” My Gemini kit came in a cute triangular-shaped box. Inside, there was an adorable little bullet vibrator, a clitoral balm designed just for my sign, as well as a crystal necklace made with my sign’s energy in mind. The cream was a star anise scented — made specifically for air signs like me to push negative thoughts from the mind and body and allow for a more intense connection with your feelings. It smelled pretty mild — almost like a chai latte — and the texture was creamy and luxurious. The necklace was super cute, too. Geminis get Tiger’s Eye, which is said to dissolve insecurities and boost self-esteem.
The box is supposed to connect my sexuality, spirituality, and personal health with the power of my zodiac sign and astrology. Despite all my skepticism about astrology, I was excited to dive in. Because my kit was made for me as a Gemini, I was prepared to have more of a connection with my body while I used it. I wanted to feel more in-tune with my sexuality and desires. So the first time I tried it, I decided to go all out. I put on my favorite lingerie, got in bed, and made my dogs stay in the living room. (Because yes, I know they’re dogs, but still, OK?) I had the necklace on, my star anise clitoral balm, and the chic little bullet vibrator in hand.
To my own surprise, the first time I used all the items in the kit at the same timewas great. In fairness, when is an orgasm not great? But the combination of my favorite lingerie, the texture of the clitoral balm — which was both cooling and warm somehow — and the vibrator really all came together. I can’t tell you that I felt more in-tune with my body than I normally do, but I definitely felt more confident in my self-pleasure.
Growing up in a conservative, Christian household, sexuality was never discussed. I never even got “the talk” from either of my parents, and when I told my mom that my boyfriend and I were moving in together, I got a huge talk about sin and abstinence instead. In short, masturbation was frowned upon most of my life, so I’ve always mentally associated the act with, unfortunately, shame. Now that I’m an adult and I’ve grown beyond those ideas (I mean, I write about sex for a living), some of that shame has naturally subsided, but it’ll still find a way to sneak back into my thoughts here and there. It lingers when I’m making out with my live-in fiancé, if I wake up from a super sexual dream, and typically with an orgasm, there also comes a tinge of regret. But, surprisingly, that didn’t happen when I used the Horoscope kit. It might have been the lingerie, or the crystal, or the scent of the balm, but whatever it was, I felt good when I was finished. I didn’t panic, or feel guilt, or regret. I just enjoyed it.
But, because I’m a skeptic (and a big fan of orgasms), I needed to try it again, at least one more time (or two or five), to give the kit a fair shot. The next day, I repeated the steps — applying the clitoral balm and using the vibrator — but I didn’t put on lingerie. I was wearing an old t-shirt that I had slept in and just went for it. Again, it was great. I felt very in-the-moment and relaxed, and none of that old guilt was there anymore. Additionally, every other time I used the kit, the experience ended the same: with an orgasm and confidence.
Whether I was wearing pajamas, a cute bralette, or nothing at all, I felt good the entire time, every time, no matter what I was wearing. It wasn’t like the orgasm was any different than any other orgasm I’d had, but the fact that I found pleasure in myself was almost a turn-on itself. I wasn’t relying on someone else to get turned on, and I felt completely in control. I was even more excited when, the next time my fiancé and I had sex, I was the most confident I’d ever been. It was empowering, almost like the kit was created to specifically address my insecurities and give me the little push I needed to really have the orgasm of a lifetime.
So, was it the kit? Was the crystal working its magic? Was it the balm? Was my star sign really helping me navigate the way toward a guilt-free, masturbation-filled life? Maybe. I can’t say that the vibrator kit has changed my outlook on astrology, because I still don’t think most of it is true. But I can say that using the kit, taking the time to find pleasure in myself, and focusing on my body definitely changed my mentality about my own sexuality. I still don’t believe in astrology, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t get my own happy ending.