There’s nothing better than the sweet honeymoon phase of a brand new relationship. But as the two of you settle into more of a long-term routine, sometimes jealousy begins to peek out from behind the brick wall of love. If your significant other tends to have plenty of close friends that happen to be women, your jealousy might pop up sooner than expected. Sure, we all want to say that we utterly and completely trust our partners but sometimes we can’t help but think “is she really just a friend?”
Sure, love is a two-way street and chances are if we have an abundance of attractive men as friends, he may be feeling the same way on his end of the spectrum. But if absolutely nothing is going on and they, in fact, are just your friends, then chances are that those pretty girls you see at group functions are just his friends as well.
However, if you’re unsure about whether one girl, in particular, is just a friend, or heaven forbid more than just a friend, there are some pretty sure-fire ways to sniff them out. Here are 10 signs that she’s just a friend and 10 signs you should start to worry.
Breathe And Relax, She’s Just A Friend:
A man with absolutely nothing to hide has no problem whatsoever leaving his phone around your place (especially if he doesn’t have it locked or you know the unlock code). A man who has nothing to hide won’t hesitate to show you his text messages either. He’d be more than happy to prove that she’s nothing more than a soccer buddy of his who he’s known forever. Chances are, their correspondence mirrors that of his guy friends, especially if she’s considered just “one of the guys” (you’d probably find her in one of his group text messages with his other guy friends as well).
Speaking of which – if he tends to text message her, usually a girl who is just a friend will be lumped in with his other guy friends and the only way he talks to her is through a group chat. This isn’t meant to be deliberate, it’s meant to be a genuine friendship. It shows that they both have nothing to hide to because there actually IS nothing to hide – just pure friendship. Both don’t feel it’s necessary to text each other on the side, and if they do, it’s only to call out someone else in the group who said something off.
Whenever you get into a new relationship, you want to be able to fit in with all his buddies (or at least want his buddies to be accepting of you) so you actively try your best to get along with all of them – including the ones who are women. Usually, a girl who doesn’t have feelings for your beau will not hesitate to make you feel like one of the group or attempt to step on your toes in any way. Plain and simple: if they aren’t after what you have, they won’t be stand-offish and they won’t be overly fake. They’ll fall somewhere in the middle along with his guy friends.
Okay, we all know guys talk about their relationships with their pals – it’s human nature. Just as women talk to each other about their lives, dudes do the same. Now, it’s usually okay if one of their female friends confides in your boyfriend about her own love life within a group setting or in a private setting only every once in a while. It’s only natural. They’re buddies. But she’s not the type to go to him every single time and instead will turn to her girlfriends (or even you if you two have become close) when it comes to her own personal relationships.
Jealousy is a powerful, if not a natural, emotion to have come around every now and then in a relationship. It happens to all the best of us, especially if your boyfriend’s female friends happen to be attractive. Usually, a man who is being unfaithful with one of his friends will get hyper defensive when you bring her up to him, even if it’s just in a joking manner. However, a man who has absolutely no problem joking back with it or talking about your jealousy over her has nothing to hide. A man who has nothing to hide won’t be afraid to talk about it.
We’ve all been there: when you’re in a relationship but manage to keep that world separate from your friendship world. Both are special in their own different way. While that happens to be the case most of the time, if your significant other gets along with your friends, they should always have a standing invite to come around and hang at group events. And the same goes with you: if your boyfriend has nothing to hide, you would be more than welcome to all his group events that include both his guy friends and his women friends. There should be no issue here.
Your friends like to joke, it’s one of the things that make them your friends. And yeah, sure, some make take it too far and enjoy poking at you in a sarcastic manner, but it’s usually all in good fun. If you’re easy going, chances are HIS friends will act the same with you. However, if you find that they’re constantly joking about your boyfriend’s friendship with one of the women members of the group, there may be more than meets the eye.But if they don’t (or do it very rarely), then you should really have nothing to worry about.
If a guy is attracted to someone else or is more than friends with one of the women members of his group, he would be rather stand-offish when it comes to showing PDA in front of her. Sure, some guys don’t like showing PDA in front of their guy friends (though that’s usually boys – men tend to not care what other people think), but they’ll be even more put off when there’s a particular girl in the group. If really is nothing going on between them, he should have no problem throwing some PDA your way without giving it a second thought.
Being friends with a lot of guys, I’ve noticed one thing: they do NOT get each other gifts unless it’s to celebrate a couple (like an engagement or wedding or even a baby shower, a child’s birthday party) or their children. They don’t usually get each other gifts unless it’s for gag purposes. Gifts are reserved for girlfriends and family members, not the dude who beat you in your fantasy football playoffs. Girls who are just friends included. Why would he give her something and not his other best friend Mike? Unless he thinks about her in a different way than he does Mike.
Sometimes it pains you if you happen to be in a relationship with a serial flirter. It’s like they can’t help it (you’d understand if you too are a serial flirter), but when it comes to batting their eyes at their friends who are women, it’s a no-go. Guys who are just long-standing friends with some of the women in his life won’t really flirt with them, especially if they’re in the middle of their guy-buddy circle, they just treat them like one of the guys. In his eyes, you should be the one he flirts with, even if he does happen to be a serial flirter.
You Should Be Worried If…
At the beginning of your relationship, you noticed that your boyfriend had particular tastes in different things that vary from yours. And while some might be bizarre to you, his tastes are completely and utterly his own. However, if you start to notice some changes in his taste that best reflect a particular close woman friend of his, it might mean something not-so-innocent.Like, if she’s supposed to be one of his buddies who supports a different baseball team than him, and you catch him paying more attention to that specific baseball team rather than his own, they might be something more.
A guy who is happy in a relationship will find a way to bring up his girlfriend every now and then to his friends. It’s common because he’s happily in love. However, you’ve discovered that he keeps bringing up one of his female friends in random conversations that don’t even include her – it’s like he enjoys bringing her up because she brings a smile to his face. If you find that he’s doing this on a regular basis, something might be up. This goes without saying if he tries to include her in functions that shouldn’t include her, like functions where it doesn’t include his other guy friends.
This can go one of two ways: either they have realized that they don’t work “that way” with each other and are just friends, or one of them has unresolved feelings for the other and they can’t let go. Personally, I have been friends with all my exes in the past, but not to the point where they became troublesome to their current relationships. This could be a tricky one since they have an intimate history together and are still close. If you find that he turns more to her than he does to you, that flame might still be well and alive.
Now, I live in the South where it’s common to hear women of a certain age call younger women “sweetheart” or “honey” or some other cute little nickname as a term of endearment. However, if it’s a woman the same age as you (or younger) calling you these names, it’s a tactic to take you down a notch. ESPECIALLY if she happens to be close friends with your boyfriend. If you’ve noticed that she uses these terms with you and you alone, there might be something up and a reason behind why she’s choosing to trivialize you and single you out. And chances are, it has to do with your boyfriend.
This one is a classic, a page ripped straight out of a psychology textbook: if he’s accusing YOU of having feelings for one of your guy friends (when, in fact, absolutely nothing is going on), he’s classically projecting. Usually, men who struggle with feelings for another woman immediately think that YOU must be doing the same things as well and will single it out during fights. Let it be known that this is projecting, and he’s feeling guilty about having feelings for another girl, especially if it’s a close friend of his, so he’ll do everything in his power to make you feel guilty too.
Now, this is a biggy. If you’ve noticed that your boyfriend isn’t confiding in you the way he used to, something is most likely up and has shifted in his world. It’s one of the first signs that he’s starting to distance himself from you and is leaning more toward her. Sharing feelings, emotions, and especially fears with someone who isn’t his girlfriend is a telling sign that he has feelings for the person he IS confiding in. If he keeps saying “but she’s just a friend, you’re nuts” but runs to her first when something big happens in his life, she’s not “just a friend”.
Every woman on the planet is aware of this one. If your guy is massively protective over his cell phone, something is amiss. Sure, we all tend to be like that around certain people, but if you’re in a loving and committed relationship, you shouldn’t have a problem leaving your phone around the house unprotected. However, if he freaks out when you even reach for his phone when it’s buzzing, he’s hiding something. Especially when a particular girl from his group texts or calls and he does his best to hide the evidence.You have to figure something is up at that point.
A guy who has nothing to hide from his girlfriend wouldn’t mind if you and one of his friends (who happens to be a woman) want to meet and hang out. However, one who has feelings for this girl would go out of his way to make sure the two of you never cross paths. Because you know how his mind works, he thinks you’ll figure out that his feelings for this girl are more than friendly, so he’ll do whatever it takes to keep you apart. So if he is actively trying to keep you apart from her, there’s something up that you should probably investigate.
In hindsight, a guy shouldn’t have an issue when one of his buddies gets into a relationship (unless it’s with an overbearing woman who’d rather he spend all his free time with her and not his friends), so why would he get all bent out of shape when one of his buddies who happens to be a girl, gets into a relationship? The only reason he would get all angry and vocal about it is if he has feelings for her himself and is jealous of the new guy in her life.It’s probably wise if you sit down and have a frank discussion about why he’s so agitated about it if she really just is a friend.
Usually, you get invited to all of his friends’ events that get put on. You’ve gone to bars with them, hang out dinners, clubbing, the works. But if you notice that you don’t seem to get an invite when there’s a particular member of the group attending as well (someone who happens to be a girl), something might be up. If it’s just once or twice, you really have nothing to worry about. However, if it’s more than a couple times, something is definitely up. He doesn’t want you to see how he acts around her because you’ll be able to catch on too quickly.