Getting over someone is not easy …
Heartache is hard, but it does not last forever. A disproportionate amount of it, we experience in our younger years, when we are still immature and inexperienced … As you change from relationship to relationship and work to find the person you will stay with in the long term, you need not only with one, but often coping with a number of losses and heartaches.
However, experiencing the same pain over and over again causes a feeling of helplessness in you. It seems your heart is constantly broken, you will never find the right person, or no one is good enough for you. But that’s just a passing feeling ..
The chances that you will spend the rest of your life with someone you will be happy with are good. You are not destined to live in uncertainty. You are not destined to build a beautiful connection with someone and then destroy them.
You should not lay any foundation stones to have them dismembered by someone. And that’s why it’s a feeling that feels wrong, strange and so terrible. You have not been allowed to experience life that way and you will not live the rest of your life …
The pain gives you the feeling at the moment, as if someone has disappeared from your life forever. You think that this pain will never stop. But all you see is what you have lost. You can not yet see what the future holds for you.
As it stands, for many things.
Life gives you a second chance. It tells you that the person you were with is not the person you should spend every day of your life with. Your life partner should be someone who shapes you without words. His influence in your life should make you the person you always wanted to be.
Is the person who runs after you the kind of person you want to be? Would you like to have children who are like this person? If the answer is in any way no, then you do not want to be with that person. In a few years you will look at them and be so thankful that you have decided against them.
But right now you do not feel that way ….
At the moment you are so focused on what you think you have lost, that you do not recognize the fertile ground that lies before you. The world begins to move when our hearts are broken. When we are forced to leave our comfort zone, we change.
In that moment, you can put all your energy into your anger because you did not get what you wanted, or you can take all the energy you’ve used up for love and care, and into yourself invest.
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Do you know what you can do when your energy is yours? Everything. Whatever comes to your mind.
You can take on your own profession and work until this becomes your main task and next year you could be self-reliant and do what you love. You can make a trip to St. Tropez and sit alone on the beach. You can spend nights reading and gathering information that will change your overall quality of life over the next few decades. You can collect the money you spend on drinks and food in restaurants and pay off your debts so you have less responsibility and more freedom.
You can become exactly the person you always wanted to be. You have your whole life before you to fall in love again. You have to change now.
It is perfectly normal and also healthy to mourn the loss of someone you once had a deep or intimate relationship with.
But when it gets so intense that you are devastated and completely unable to continue with your life, it is not the person you long for but the idea you had about your future life.
When you separate yourself from someone and grieve for the loss of your presence in your life, it is normal for you to feel lonely, to feel different emotions, to cry, or to avoid it. But if you separate yourself from someone you could rely on in any way to give you a sense of security, then the reaction could be a lot worse. You could be obsessed and convinced that this can not be the end. You could desperately search for “signs” and do anything to convince him that you belong together.
Such a kind of reaction is not the reaction of someone who has loved and lost a person. That’s the kind of reaction from someone who has lost a sense of security for the future and will do anything to get it back, even though he believes the relationship is not over. In such a situation, you just give yourself the feeling that it’s not over yet.
What was going on in your life when you were still at the beginning of the relationship with your partner? Before you entered into this relationship, did you know where your life leads? Were you self-confident, did you know what you wanted and how you wanted to spend the next few years of your life? Were you worried, stressed or afraid because you did not have a partner by your side yet, or you were over 30 and still single? Did you feel lost at work, were you under stress or strained for your family?
Under what circumstances did the relationship arise? The answer to this question will tell you so much about the relationship itself.
We hear from different people that we first have to love ourselves, because when two people are happy and strive together for their individual goals, the relationship lasts a long time. But when two people in a relationship need self-help, they use each other as a patch and their relationship falls apart because, over time, they realize that another person is not the solution to their problem.
If you are worried about your future, then you must be the one who plans your life. If you’re not sure what you want, then you need to take time to think and come up with some ideas. If you do not know who you are, you have to search your soul. If you feel unfulfilled, you have to find a new job. When you feel stressed, you need to better organize your time, money or relationships.
That’s what you should have done earlier and now you have the chance.
There is a quote about the ancient Stoic wisdom that describes something like this: “You stand in the ruins instead of building a new city.”
This means that the more time you spend focusing on what has disappeared, lost, and failed, the more energy you will offer to rip the ruins apart. But the city is already destroyed. You stand in countless ruins and wonder why this city does not magically change back into the one it used to be.
If you want to change your life and really want to get over this person, you have to start building a new city. You have to start investing your energy in what’s coming, not in what’s happening.
Just forgetting someone like that is impossible. The more you try not to think about your ex, the more you will do it. If you continue with your life as if nothing has changed, you will not be able to take another step in your life. What you once took for granted has disappeared.
If you keep trying to live as if this person is still with you, you will be in empty space. It will be impossible not always to think about her and to mourn her. You will sit in your room where you used to sit together and cry. You will go to the store where you used to shop together and you will feel lost. You will see the friends with whom you have celebrated together and you will be ashamed because you have failed in one way or another.
You have to get up and start over. You need new places, people, routines, adventures, goals and plans.
You will only get over someone if you fill your life with many strong and interesting things. Thus, you will think less and less of this person. But not because you’re trying to get it out of your head, but because you have so many other things to think about now.
You have so many places to visit, things to hope for and passions that will consume your mind.
Over time you will think less and less about this person. Not because you magically stopped thinking of her one day, but because you started to fill your life with things that are important to you.
The magic of heartache is that it forces you to become a different person.
If you do not want to mourn forever, you have to change. And if you do it right, you will work to become the person you always wanted to be. You will look back on this moment as a climax, a turning point and the unanswered prayer that was the answer itself. This will be the best thing that ever happened to you, because instead of a boring relationship that did not work anyway, you’ll get the life of your dreams and you’ll be the one to give it.
The tricky thing about relationships is that they almost never end up being honest. It is not obvious if you should be with this person or not. Any problem you have can be compared to its good qualities. Any quarrels that you had can be compared to the good times you had together.
The opposite of knowing that someone is right for you is not sure that someone is wrong for you.
If someone is clearly “wrong” for you, your relationship will not get very far. You will not be able to build and maintain any kind of significant connection with this person. You will realize that you do not fit together before you establish any kind of connection. And so you will certainly not experience heartache. You will not experience heartbreak if you are with someone who is fundamentally “wrong” for you.
Your heart is broken when you enter into a relationship with someone who in many ways could be “right” for you, but raises as many doubts. Through small gestures you will realize that someone is wrong for you. This is not posting the pictures on the social networks, because somewhere deep inside you know that the relationship will not last.
It is the avoidance of introducing this person to your parents, because you know that they will not behave as you hoped for. It’s thinking about whether there’s someone better out there for you. It’s dreaming about the possibilities that life could give you if you were not with that person.
It’s thinking, if this is the person with whom you can imagine your life.
Your heart will not be broken if you have a relationship that is completely wrong for you. Because you are not able to approach her so that it hurts. This happens to people who are good enough to give you hope but are also wrong enough to keep you from getting closer to them.
Therefore, you do not have to be wary of people who reject you, but of people who leave you in the dark and do not want to have a serious relationship with people who want to see you again and again. You have to beware of people who say “this is not the right time” or they are currently “looking for nothing serious”.
The truth is that nobody is looking for anything serious until someone comes to whom he is seriously in love. It’s never the right time for love until you meet the right person.
The opposite of ” just knowing ” that someone is right for you is not ” just knowing ” that he is wrong for you. But the opposite is the doubt. Being very insecure means knowing the answer, one is just too attached to admit it.
After a break, everyone around you will advise you to “let go” of the past, to continue and start over. They will tell you to go out and drink, meet new men and enjoy your newfound freedom. That will be annoying at best and absolutely unbearable at worst.
There is nothing more frustrating than someone who seems to believe that Tequila and a One Night Stand will be the healing ointment for the life-threatening heartache you are experiencing right now. The future, as you have imagined, has now changed. The present, as you are used to, is no longer the same. At the moment you do not need any further uncertainties. You do not need to try to force yourself into a new life if you are already panicking about what will happen next.
The more you try to “let go” and “keep going,” the more your brain clings to reasons why you should think more, try again, or keep hoping.
The “letting go” of someone is less an active choice, but rather a kind of acceptance that someone is already gone. It’s not like actually throwing someone out of your life, it’s the agreement with the fact that he’s already gone. You no longer think about whether you should just open your hands and release something, but you realize that you already have a life without that person.
Only then will you find peace, because this person is already gone and you have to let him go …
Many people feel insecure about the unknown. But insecurity is also an incredible blessing, because it means that for the first time, you have let go of what has happened in the past and start thinking about what might happen in the future. If you are unsure, you open up the choices that otherwise would not have been possible because you felt comfortable with what you were used to. The uncertainty is a breeding ground for the biggest moments of life and the most diverse possibilities.
Most people stick to what they know and what they think they want, because they are too scared to feel the discomfort that ignorance brings. People who are ready to fight against this pressure are the ones who really liberate themselves.
If you’re hurting and desperately trying to improve your life, think about the things that went wrong, because you’re in a situation where you can not think clearly. Call this a passionate crime, but people are most likely to embarrass themselves and make bad choices for their long-term well-being when they suffer most from emotional pain. Therefore, if you have such problems, you should follow the following steps:
1. Do not communicate with your ex at all , unless the relationship was not so serious and you feel comfortable being friends with him again. Ex-friends do not get along or talk to each other regularly, and more importantly, they do not have a one-night stand if they feel like it.
2. Find a friend whom you can trust and tell him your entire story. Publishing all your problems on social media will not make your ex look bad, but will increase your desperation.
3. If you can not resist the temptation to check what he’s doing or see his photos on social media, then block him. If you feel bad about it, then kindly explain to him that this is a step for you to complete with the relationship.
4. Change your routine. You can not hang out with the same people, visit the same places or be near your partner and then expect that you will not miss him. When you go through a separation, your whole life changes and that’s where the magic lies.
5. Do not do anything permanent. Do not do something that you can not undo within a few days.
6. The sooner you start dating with other men, the better. No, it’s not fair to make a new relationship if you’re in love with another man. But you will never forget your old relationship if you do not try something new. Always remember that everything happens for a reason.
7. Write down everything you want from a new partner. Most likely you are afraid that your future will be lonely without your ex or you will feel like a failure. These are all problems that you have to solve alone. A relationship is not a patch. That’s why you were with the wrong person in the past.
8. Stop blaming your ex. Maybe your relationship did not end well. Maybe you are actually the victim. Maybe he cheated on you. Maybe he was not fair. Maybe he promised you the stars from heaven and then disappointed you. Maybe he was not the person you held him for. I know, that’s shit, but it happens to everyone. The more you get mad at him, the more you give him power over you.