Let’s say that we meet someone who is really nice, cute and fits our dream-guy wishlist to a T. Whether we met the old fashioned way at a bar or ran into each other at the market, or met online via Tinder or some other dating site, that’s irrelevant. The fact of the matter is that he is sweet and we could see something really great blossoming down the road with him. But after a date or two, or after our first sleepover, we never hear from him again. It is almost like he fell off the earth or vanished into thin air. Maybe he never even existed in the first place, and we are just going crazy!
Or perhaps he lost cell service while visiting distant relatives. Oh, or he was in a horrible accident and was unable to text us! The possibilities of what happened are endless, thanks to our very active imaginations.
The truth of the matter is that he ghosted us for one reason or another. We need the closure that ghosting denies us, so we talk to people or ask Google why he ghosted us instead of telling ourselves honestly that he doesn’t want to see us again.
What put him off? Here’s what 20 guys say made them ghost a woman they were dating.
For some reason, a lot of guys really don’t like clingy girls. To clear up any confusion, they don’t mind clingy wives or very long-time girlfriends because that is expected and socially acceptable. But a clingy girl on a first or second date is downright scary — especially for a casual dater who isn’t looking for anything serious.
My Domaine has this advice for guys, “Guys: Don’t feed the bears. You don’t ever need to make future plans with a woman out of a sense of obligation. Our dance cards are full. We do not need you taking up prime real estate on our overpopulated calendars if it’s not a must.”
Sometimes guys ghost because they don’t understand the ever-changing dating rules or they just don’t want to learn them and run the risk of getting something wrong. They opt out by stringing us along and then ghosting us to avoid playing the game by the rules.
According to Business Insider, before apps, “within the confines of a common social group, dating, no matter how casual, always required a certain decorum. If you didn’t want to keep seeing someone, you had to say so, because you were definitely going to see that person again.”
Sadly, that’s not the case anymore.
When guys encounter a girl who invades their personal space, they don’t like it and bail on the date as soon as possible. We do feel a bit bad for this one guy, as Cosmopolitan reports.
“Recently, I ghosted on a girl because the second date with her was just so awful that I had zero desire to speak with her again.
She stuck her fingers in my nostrils in the middle of the bar (as a joke, she claimed), wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise, and I could just tell we were on two different pages in terms of our interests.”
Sometimes guys are a lot like us and want to avoid confrontation. They often keep quiet when they should say something, just to keep the peace so everyone stays happy—or at least, not upset with them. Thus, ghosting could be his way of trying to avoid unnecessary drama in his life. As one guy says in a Cosmopolitan article:
“I know most people would say I should have just told her right then and there that I didn’t see a future, but those people aren’t thinking about how insanely confrontational that could get.”
It’s time for him to pull his big-boy pants up.
Sometimes we meet people then after a couple of dates we realize that we just aren’t suited for each other. This is tricky when the other party doesn’t catch on and realize we aren’t a good match. One girl laments in a Bustle article, saying,
“I really wish people would just be honest and say what’s going on.
That includes if they’re not interested, or if they met someone else and want to pursue [them], or they’ve realized they’re not in a good space to date.”
One big reason for guys to ghost us is a lack of chemistry. This lack of chemistry is especially noticeable after several dates, or a sleepover. If he was all for it before the sleepover and then vanishes afterward, he obviously got what he was after. Of course, if asked, he’ll say something like, “It wasn’t good for me.” My Domaine has this to say,
“We have to wonder though, if it wasn’t good for you, do you really think she was over the moon?”
Apparently, that thought never occurs to guys. Weird, right?
It can be argued that men forget a lot of things but would he really forget to call us back or shoot us a text? We know the date went well. We know he certainly had fun. So why hasn’t he said anything? Should we text him first to remind him or would that just weird him out or make us come across as too clingy? These questions can drive you crazy! According to My Domaine,
“Our best guess is this is a Y-chromosome affliction.
Before you roll your eyes, science says men are indeed slower and less organized than women when switching between tasks.”Featured Today
Dating multiple people is socially acceptable (unless one of them is married) and definitely ranks as a competitive sport. To make this easier on everyone, we should all tell each other if we are exclusive or not using that super cool new invention known as “communication.” According to My Domaine, “We’re actually fans of this one (with a time limit caveat.) If you’re out on the town with another babe, bravo for giving her the courtesy of putting your phone away. News flash: The girl you’re avoiding is probably doing the same thing.”
There are a lot of things out there for us to compete with in order to win his attention. From food to video games to other girls, it really is a stiff ranking of who gets his attention first. On top of that, this modern age has made enough advancements as to make dating another instant-gratification scenario. According to My Domaine, “The problem with dating nowadays is most people can find someone to sleep with as quickly as they can order a pizza or something on Amazon Prime. You are not a pizza, and Prime doesn’t have a return policy for your dignity. Don’t waste your time.”
Whether the emotions are his own or ours, they can be pretty scary for the average guy—which is why many of us personally feel that guys who ghost are simply cowards. At any rate, it is nice to know that karma has our back. Bustle says, “The way you end your relationship can have a huge impact on potential romantic options — so always end it appropriately. We live in a small world that’s growing increasingly more connected. You never know when that disappearing act can come back to haunt you.” This ghosting maneuver will bite him in the back sooner or later.
Sometimes guys ghost us for reasons that could have been very easily cleared up with a little conversation. This guy over at Cosmopolitan did exactly that, saying, “Sadly, we started dating in the middle of the summer and there came a point where I realized that I was going to be out of town for the next three weekends and didn’t want to feel like I couldn’t date other people during that time. We’d never talked about being exclusive, so I just ghosted her, since it seemed like she wanted a monogamous relationship.” If he’d talked first with her, things could’ve been different.
This applies more to guys in high school than our ideal dating pool (hopefully), but parents’ influence and opinions can often sway some guys in their own opinions. This guy at Cosmo tried to date a senior while he was a freshman in high school and his mom had some opinions on the matter.
“So I just never responded to any of her messages and avoided her in school. It was stupid of me and I feel very bad about it to this day.
This marked the beginning of me not taking my mom’s advice and not discussing girls with her.”
We all do this one. We go out, seem to have a great time, then come home and do some thinking and decide it isn’t really want we wanted after all. At this point, we either tell our date we changed our minds or ghost each other. This guy at Cosmopolitan made his realization a bit further into the date than others would’ve. He said,
“I realized I didn’t want a relationship. Not just with her, but with anyone.
I didn’t want to bother to explain to her that I know I said I wanted to be in a relationship but now my plans had changed, so I just stopped responding to her texts and figured she’d get the message.”
Despite the many advances made in modern communication and the various ways we can keep in touch with people, we can all too easily become very anxious by everything and let some contacts slip through the cracks. This lady at Independent got in touch with an older ghoster who said, “Kudos to Adam, he took the time to reply to me (this time), saying that he thinks it all comes down to overload. We all have so many people to reply to every day (family, friends, colleagues) so finding the time to message someone you don’t know is your last priority.”
This one can generate a lot of laughs because if a guy thinks it is less painful to be ghosted than it is to have an honest answer as to why he doesn’t want to see us anymore, then he obviously hasn’t had someone ghost him before. According to Bustle,
“Ghosting is the easy way out for people.
I’ve had guys just disappear on me, without a reason, and it sucks. It’s never easy saying goodbye or ‘no thanks,’ but there are ways of doing it that can spare someone their feelings and engender good will at the same time.”
Sometimes for a guy, everything can line up perfectly except for one crucial thing like his job, getting the right girl or the timing of starting a great relationship. Obviously, the logical thing to do is to date the girl a few times and then ghost her but keep watching her social media stories. Right? According to one guy on Narcity, this is true. “The reason guys ghost girls yet still watch their story is because guys are curious what those girls are up to, and half the time a guy ghosts a girl, they would still get with them but just not at the time so the guy keeps a tab on her until the moment is right.”
Sometimes we go on dates and have fun. We can chat easily and have a pretty good time, but part of us knows that in the back of our minds, we have no real connection to make this last beyond the one date. A friendship maybe but a relationship? Probably not. According to Business Insider, guys pick up on this too.
“After three hours of theater seats and actor-speak, we split a pizza at a bar in her neighborhood. I realized we didn’t have a whole lot in common, but we had a pleasant enough time.
I laughed at her jokes, and she laughed at mine.”
This is a big hurdle for a lot of us to jump over, and guys are no different than girls when it comes to putting off something we are dreading or just don’t want to do. Of course, being ghosted instead of having him just tell us it won’t work doesn’t feel good. As Business Insider puts it, “But after three or four days of silence, I had already rejected her. Why do it again? ‘Hey, it’s the guy who has been ignoring you for long enough that you probably think I’m not interested. Anyway, you’re right. I’m not.’ That seemed needlessly cruel.”
More and more modern guys are taking the easy route when it comes to the tricky areas of life which include break-ups and telling someone they aren’t interested after a few dates or a sleepover. Of course, they could just be cowards too. According to Bustle,
“I think part of the issue — although they have opened new doors for dating for many — is the anonymity and distance of virtually meeting, and it allows people to forget about common courtesies.
You just block or delete someone, or just ignore them.” Why go through all the Ps and Qs of etiquette when we can just block and delete?
Finally, the last reason, and most plausible, as to why he ghosted us instead of texting us back is quite simply because he is lazy. He got what he wanted from the date (whatever it was), and now he’s moved on. We’d best do the same ourselves and not waste another minute of thought or energy on him. He obviously isn’t worth it. As Business Insider concludes, “I can’t say how the women I ignored felt about receiving the digital cold shoulder, but if their reactions were anything like mine when I was ghosted, my guess would be ‘not much.’”