There are regular relationships, and then there are soulmate-level relationships. If you believe in the idea of soulmates, it’s the kind of connection you aspire to have with a person. At the very basis of it all, soulmates are “spiritual partners who bring out the best in each other,” Cindi Sansone-Braff, relationship coach and author Grant Me a Higher Love, tells Bustle.
When you meet your soulmate, your connection is supposedly unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before. “Soulmates have a heart, soul, mind and body connection,” Sansone-Braff says. There’s a special magic to it and a recognition factor, as if you’ve known each other all your lives. A soulmate relationship can also be intense and life-changing. Since [it’s] a pretty spiritual concept, it’s one of those things you kind of just feel. For instance, you can recognize your soulmate by the connection you have. It’s just a feeling of knowing that this particular person is “it.”
So what can you do if you feel like you and your partner aren’t quite “getting” each other the way you want to be? From strengthening your mind, body, soul, and heart connections to making your relationship more of a priority, here are some ways to level-up your relationship and take it from regular to a soulmate-level relationship:
“Soulmates make a lot of love and keep each other from the temptations of the world,” Sansone-Braff tells Bustle. In order make your relationship a soulmate-type of love, you can make your heart connection stronger by being loving, kind, and doing good things for each other. You can make your soul connection stronger by doing “life-confirming” activities like yoga or attending religious services together. Strengthening your mind connection can be as simple as communicating effectively and having meaningful conversations.”
As for the body connection, be sure the two of you make your love life and intimacy a top priority,” she says.
Relationships require making choices. Sometimes they benefit you, and sometimes they benefit your partner. You may not realize it, but the choices you make in your relationship can take your relationship from regular to soulmate-level.
Let’s say your partner is really hoping you’d visit their family over the holidays. You’re considering it, yet you’re not entirely ready to pass on your own family’s holiday gathering. As Licensed Clinical Psychotherapist, Julia Colangelo, LCSW, tells Bustle, “Making a gesture where you place importance on the other person and their emotional desires (without compromising your own values or self-worth) can be an excellent way to communicate that you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level. You’re willing to compromise to make the relationship go the distance.”
Risk and vulnerability are two major things needed in order to level-up your bond. As Andrea Leiser, dating coach and matchmaker with Three Day Rule tells Bustle, it’s about going all in. “I remember when my partner went all-in and flew himself to DC just to see me. Less than two weeks later, I flew to Boston to visit him,” Leiser says. “I knew he was all-in which made it less risky for me to go all-in too. A month later, knowing he was totally committed to me, I told him he was the one without any anxiety because I knew he felt the same way. We’re not married (yet!), but we know where we’re heading because both of us declared how we felt.”
If going “all-in” isn’t in your nature, you’re not alone. It’s tough and according to Leiser, many people are afraid of unrequited love or just looking stupid. But there really isn’t anything to lose when you put all your chips in for the right person, she says. “It’s only difficult to share your feelings if you see yourself as ‘having something to lose,’ but if they weren’t into it anyway, you literally didn’t lose anything. It NEVER existed. You’ll show sincerity and confidence by putting yourself out there and sharing first. If you’re confident in the relationship, chances are, they will be too!”
If you want to take your relationship to a soulmate-level, Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and owner of Exclusive Matchmaking tells Bustle it’s important to get rid of any inhibitions, insecurities, and reservations you have about yourself. “If you can be yourself and not put up walls, you will let someone in and vice versa,” she says. “That’s when you can really take your relationship to that soulmate level.”
“Maintaining a sense of identity as both individuals and as a couple is absolutely key when it comes to a harmonious relationship,” Britanny Burr, Editor at Large and Love and Relationship expert for Psych N Sex tells Bustle. Many times, it’s easy to lose yourself in your relationship. It becomes more of what you and your partner want rather than what you want as an individual.
That’s why Burr says soulmate partnerships are about finding that balance between being a me and being a we. “Maintaining a firm sense of self and watching your partner do the same creates a strong relationship made up of two strong, independent individuals,” she says. “In this case, both parties can feel like they are in the relationship because they want to be, not because they need to be. This could not be a more wonderful feeling.”
Having a soulmate-level relationship may mean that your bond is super strong. But that doesn’t mean you need to make your partner provide everything for you, whether it’s their time or emotional support 24/7. “In any relationship, no matter how solid it may be, it’s important to understand that one individual cannot be everything for you, even when it comes to the small things,” Burr says.
That means your partner shouldn’t always have to be your workout buddy and they shouldn’t even have to be your sounding board for every single issue you face.
“It’s easy to be vulnerable around your partner, and you should be able to lean on them in times of need, but just be aware that it takes a lot of energy, mentally and physically, for them to be there for you at all times,” she says. “If you’re angry about something you can choose to speak to a colleague or friend once in a while and instead save your positive energy for your loved one on that particular day.”
“Contrary to common belief, a soulmate relationship doesn’t usually just happen,” marriage and family therapist, Frances M Bledsoe, LCSW, tells Bustle. “But with the right practices like making the relationship a priority, an ordinary relationship can evolve into one of soulmates.”
Making your relationship a priority doesn’t mean dropping everything to be with your partner whenever they want you there. It’s about knowing you have each other’s backs no matter what. It’s about holding boundaries with third parties like extended family members who might want to intrude and it’s about keeping your commitments to your partner and to yourself.
“Relationships are like anything worth doing, you have to put in the time and practice,” Dr. Cristina Romero-Bosch and her husband, Dr. John Robinson “The Sex Docs” and owners of The Hormone Zone, tells Bustle. “This is especially true when looking for the deep-rooted, fall madly in love type of soulmate relationship.”
Like any other relationship, it takes time and effort to make a soulmate-level relationship work. So even if you and your partner don’t have a deep, instantaneous spiritual connection from the very beginning, that’s OK. If you’re both committed enough, you can take your relationship to the next-level