Thanks at least in part to romantic movies, we tend to think of love as being big, swooping gestures: bouquets of red roses, moonlit dinners under starry skies, racing up the Eiffel tower at midnight, and so on. But as anyone who’s ever had the privilege of being in a happy, long-term relationship knows, real love is most intensely expressed and felt in tiny, unglamorous gestures: picking up Advil for your partner when they have a headache late at night, pulling a blanket over their feet while they’re sleeping, or just plain bringing them a warm cup of coffee even though they haven’t asked.
Amy Betters-Midtvedt, who runs a blog called Hiding in the Closet with Coffee, knows all of this too well, and she expressed it beautifully in a Facebook post that is now going viral. “Listen up young ones,” she wrote. “This is what your knight in shining armor looks like when you are in your 40s.” So prepare to be hit right in the feels, because we’ve isolated her greatest examples of “what love looks like in your 40s” right here. So take notes, and apply them to your own relationship.
“Yes, that’s my amazing husband who is arriving on the scene with his credit card because what you can’t see is me, standing next to a cart super full of groceries that I couldn’t pay for because I couldn’t find my wallet,” wrote Betters-Midtvedt. “He had to leave work and he is smiling. His only words of admonishment were, ‘You’re not supposed to be grocery shopping I said I’d go this week.’”
“Love also looks like me coming downstairs to a full pot of coffee every morning because coffee is love.”
“Love looks like all the lunches being made already so I can enjoy that aforementioned cup of coffee.”
“Love looks like someone washing the dishes while his wife catches up on This is Us while plopped on the couch not helping at all.”
“Love looks like a super patient dad doing the 5 year old’s homework with him every morning so I can get to work on time.”
“Love looks like running to the store before bed after your wife has forgotten to buy milk because you know the morning will be easier if we can serve up some cereal.”
“In college this love looked like boyfriend Todd running to the store for a danish I was craving or watching me and my friends on the dance floor long after he wanted to leave the bar or him being known across campus by the flower backpack he was carrying which of course was mine.”
That’s why, for all of the people who are looking for a love like that, Amy has got some truly valuable advice:
“Do not be fooled by big, showy proposals and giant cards with candy bars glued to them with some cute saying or by your name spelled in pepperoni by a boy who’s asking you to homecoming. That isn’t the stuff that lasts and let’s be honest…moms are totally helping them with those things. Watch how he treats you when Instagram isn’t looking. That is where the signs are. Choose the man who will carry your too heavy flowered backpack in public because he will also be the man who bails you out at Aldi’s when your 40-? with a smile and a hug. And that my friends is true love.”