32 Things Men Learn When They Live with Women

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32 Things Men Learn When They Live with Women

We don’t want to generalize, but anyone who’s ever lived with a member of the opposite s*x is sure to notice that there are certain fundamental differences in some of the rituals that they perform at home. In fact, at times, coed cohabitation can be like living in a nature documentary (David Attenborough narration optional) as you muse upon the mysterious customs of the other gender. Take Robbie Stowers, for instance, a 20-year-old UCL student who recently found himself in an anthropological experiment when he was roomed with three girls named Charlotte, Abbie, and “Fish” while on a school ski trip to Tignes, France. He catalogued 32 observations in a Twitter thread that was so hilariously on-point it quickly went viral, amassing over 100,000 retweets in just a few days. Here, for your convenience, we’ve collected the fount of wisdom that Stowers picked up.

1 Nights Out

“When girls get in from a night out, literally anything is the funniest thing that has ever happened. ‘OMG HAHAHAAHAH I JUST ATE A CARROT’”

2 Loud Shushing

“When girls are trying to be quiet they make most of their noise with the ‘SSSHHHHHHHHHHH’”

3 The Designated Mom

“There is one designated mum in every group. She takes everyones make up off, provides water and makes sure everyone is home.”

4 Hair in the Shower

“I went for a shower and there was organized clumps of hair on the wall?????”

5 A Suitcase of Toiletries

“They bring a staggering amount of toiletries. I am speaking masses and masses. Shelves, bags and even the floor were littered with numerous bottles.”

6 Breast Life Tape

“So boys, I found out girls have actual tape that goes on their boobs when they wear a low cut top to make the shape of their boobs nice or something?? Like glorified duct tape.”

7 Nipple Pasties

“Also, there were these weird flower shaped things on the table. Found out these things are actually stuck on girls nipples. Found these on the kitchen table.”

8 Gel Breast Enhancers

“There are things called chicken fillets and they aren’t the ones you eat.”

9 Getting Ready Takes a Whole Evening

“From 5pm onwards I was refused entry to the toilet area as it was reserved until 11pm for showering and about 3 hours of make up. ‘no Robbie you can’t go for a shower we need the mirror!!!!!!’”

10 Endless Clothes to Rent

“Girls all share clothes like one big free for all?? “you seen my nice black top?” “oh yeh babe got it on atm”

11 The After party

“The night out doesn’t end when they get in. oh no. Whilst I was trying to sleep at 5am there was an extended bathroom session about what happened with boys and how nice the burgers were.”

12 With Snacks

“These girls just got so hungry when they came back it was mad. Mayo pasta? Yes please babe”

13 Let the Women Speak

“Anything I said was automatically wrong because I had a penis so I just learned to accept my fate.”

14 Spooning Free-for-Alls

“Girls spoon each other. A lot.”

15 Texting Analysis

“Girls literally rip apart every text a guy sends them. If you are thinking you are a lad that this hasn’t happened to, your girl is probably laughing at your text right now.”

16 Armpit Check

“Girls sniff their armpits to see if they smell. ‘Nah not too bad’”

17 Time Is Just a Concept

“So every night these girls gave me a time we were all heading out. I worked out by the second day that if I added 2.5 hours on to this suggested time, I knew what time we would actually be going out.”

18 Male Deodorant Is Better

“By the end of the week my deodorant was empty because “boys deodorant smells better.’”

19 The Designated Eyeliner Applicator

“One girl in the group is usually the designated ‘winged eyeliner applicator’. The others seem useless.”

20 The Birth Control Law

“If you miss taking your pill two consecutive days in a row you have f*cked up your cycle. I became the pill reminder.”

21 The Pre-Foundation

“ALWAYS REMEMBER TO PUT PRIMER ON BEFORE YOU START YOUR MAKE UP.”

22 Bloating

“‘Omg im so bloated I can’t wear this’ was a phrase heard hourly during the evening getting ready process.”

23 Outfit Changes

“Outfit changes will happen boys. Do yourself a favour and go to sleep. Think she is finally done because she is on her third outfit? Ha.”

24 Underwear or Not?

“Should I wear pants in this?”

25 Last-Minute Packing

“Girls don’t pack until 30mins before they need to leave because they need half their suitcase every minute.”

26 The Back-Up Make-Up Bag

“Girls have two make up bags. One bag with all the make up that they actually use, and one that has absolutely no use at which is full of makeup never touched but is always brought along.”

27 Giving Compliments Is An Art

“I tried to give compliments but I was told to &*$^ off as apparently I was being sarcastic.”

28 Hairties

“Hairgrips everywhere you look. Floor? Hairgrips. Bed? Hairgrips? Shower? Hairgrips.”

29 Hair

“There will be hair. Everywhere.”

30 No Alarm Clocks Allowed

“Wake girls up in the morning at your own peril. ‘Robbie turn your alarms off’”

31 Practical Jokes

“Right so these girls thought it was $*(#*& hilarious to get all the hair out of the hairbrush and put it on my head.”

32 Pain

“Robbie I promise this won’t hurt.”

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