Ghosting can easily be one of the most frustrating experiences that anyone will experience. Dating is supposed to be fun and exciting, but when you throw in ghosting, it can be heartbreaking. Just when you think things are going well, he disappears and you can’t seem to figure out why.
So, what exactly is ghosting? The official definition is the act of a person disappearing on his or her partner seemingly inexplicably. There aren’t any signs or texts and you don’t even have a chance to talk things over. He’s just gone.
Is it possible that we are doing things that we think are innocent and sweet but are actually scaring the pants off the men in our lives?
Check out these 23 things to find out!
So you’ve been dating a guy for a while and you are over the moon for him. You think things are going great and you just can’t wait to see him again. It occurs to you to bring him something at his job.
You might think it’s sweet to bring him a coffee at work periodically but he might perceive it as an invasion of his space and privacy.
Some people like to keep their social and professional lives separate. If he ghosts you, it’s because he wasn’t ready to let you into that part of his life yet.
Despite things being rocky, you might believe that the best thing for your relationship is to keep fighting for the other person.
One Thought Catalog user stated why he ghosted a girl for this reason, “Yes, but first I tried to break up with her properly and she convinced me to stick with it. After about another month it still wasn’t working and I didn’t want to go through the guilt trip song and dance again, so I gave her the slow fade before ultimately stopping contact.”
So you want to cook your man his favorite meal, but you haven’t been dating him long enough to know what it is. Why not call his mom to find out? Never mind the fact that you don’t have her number or that he has no idea that you are calling in the first place, what matters is that it’s a sweet gesture and you know he will love a home-cooked from right out of his childhood. Right?
While you may view this as thoughtful, all he will see is the spy work involved in achieving this task. And we can bet it will freak him out.
It can be hard to tell whether or not a guy thinks you are moving too fast.
One Bustle user recalls a time when he ghosted a girl
“I ghost if I think things are getting too serious or she wants commitment. I don’t want to lead her on or hurt her feelings by just outright telling her how I’m feeling.”
Guys will likely bolt if you move too fast. Try to take things slow and enjoy the moment.
Maybe you are having trouble reading your guy’s emotions. You have been dating long enough to have met his friends, but things seem to be off lately and you can’t figure out what’s wrong. The last thing you should do is call his friends.
Their loyalty lies with him and you guys haven’t been together long enough for them to be emotionally invested in your relationship. If he finds out you made the call, you could get ghosted.
Alex said it best in the movie, He’s Just Not That Into You,
“Don’t call him. He doesn’t like you.”
Be very careful when you first start dating a guy that you don’t text him too much. You may think that you are being sweet by texting him cute things but he may not feel the same way about it. One Bustle user said,
“I ghost if I can tell she’s getting way too into me.”
There is certainly a time to play it cool in a relationship and the beginning is a good time to do that.
Certainly, there are a lot of people who will claim to have experienced love at first sight. You may feel like you are in love right away and maybe you are, but you should probably hold back on saying it for a while.
We believe it’s much rarer for a guy to feel it. Sometimes it can seem like it takes forever for a guy to fall in love or else they hide it well.
By gushing to him immediately that “he’s the one,” you run the risk of him not feeling the same way. He will think that you are rushing things and he won’t be ready for that level of commitment.
You may be excited about your new relationship but just don’t go overboard. Using hyperbolic language can at the same time demonstrate to him that you are spontaneous about expressing your feelings and are therefore not genuine.
There are going to be a lot of firsts in your dating life that are awesome.
Your first kiss, the first time you guys hold hands and many other fun physical activities. You may feel like you are falling in love and this can drive up some intense emotions.
If you kiss your man and are staring into his eyes, you might find yourself wanting to cry. We recommend you lock up those tears because a guy is just not going to understand your emotions at all and he might even get freaked out over it.
You may think that the relationship is going well and he may even be thinking the same thing. But that doesn’t mean that it’s time to meet his family.
Guys usually don’t get to that stage until they have considered you to be their girlfriend. If you ask to meet his family before he feels its time, then you might get ghosted.
It’s up to him to determine when he wants you to meet his family; if you push the issue, then he’s likely to move on from you.
You might think that his apartment needs a feminine touch but you can risk frightening him.
Guys don’t want you messing with their stuff unless you are someone important in their life. You may be thinking it’s just a sweet gesture but he may view it as a sign of your clinginess.
When it comes to making decorating decisions, you might want to wait until you are for sure in the door. The time will come.
He may realize that you are way too into him and he ’s not feeling the same way. It sucks because guys aren’t willing to wait to see if things get better. They just want out immediately.
One TC user said, “We didn’t hit it off as well as she thinks. If I’m with a girl and concluded that I’m not into her I’ll often prod her and ask her lots of questions and follow-ups about herself and she’ll enjoy talking about herself. Most people do. I do it to get through the awkwardness and keep the conversation going, but usually, I’ve checked out and it’s a low-effort way to make it through the night.”
There will come a time when you can leave your sweater at his house or bring a toothbrush and leave it in his bathroom… but it won’t happen right away.
You have to give it some time before you essentially “move in.” If you move too fast, it can intimidate him. You may think that you are just making things easier by leaving some stuff at his house, but he might see it as you staking a claim on his turf.
If you are his girlfriend, then you are likely allowed to show up to his place unannounced anytime that you want to.
But until you have that official status, you might want to hold back on that type of thing. You could really send him red flags by showing up unannounced because he may think that you are overstepping your bounds.
You could be doing all the right things and it’s not going to make a difference. If he realizes early on that he isn’t that attracted to you, it is likely that he will disappear.
He might not want to continue things with you but doesn’t have the guts to tell you.
Ghosting seems to be the easiest way to get out of a relationship without confrontation.
When you are falling in love, it’s easy to start thinking about your future. You start to think about traveling together, having children, getting married. You can’t wait to start your life with this person and even though it’s early you can’t help but talk about it.
While talking about the future doesn’t always send a guy packing, pay attention to how he reacts when you mention it.
“See if he goes silent and doesn’t respond,” says Kemi Sogunle, a relationship expert, speaker, and author.
You may think that sharing everything about yourself is a great way to allow him to get to know you better, but sometimes it can be TMI for a guy who isn’t invested in you yet.
Follow his lead, if he’s not sharing a lot about himself, that might be a sign.
“When a person leaves out details you’ve freely shared about yourself, it could be a sign they don’t see a future and are ready to disappear into thin air,” says Melissa Rogers, a professional matchmaker at Tawkify.
Rushing a relationship is a great way to get ghosted. If you assume you are both in the same headspace and you’re not, it can lead one partner to feel uncomfortable or guilty.
“If someone has to qualify their intentions, chances are they’re not prioritizing a meaningful romantic connection right now,” says Amaris Kay, professional matchmaker at Tawkify. “Listen to the precise language people use during the date to avoid disappointment in the future.”
He asks for a night off to go out with his buddies and you text him all night. We know what you are thinking. He will love it if you send him to kiss emojis to let him know you’re thinking about him.
But guys get annoyed at their girlfriends if they are stalked all night so how do you think he will feel if you haven’t been dating for very long?
Of course, there is nothing wrong with complimenting a guy that you are dating. But drowning him in them can convey to him that you are really needy and potentially desperate.
“This type of attention can be intoxicating but remember they are just words. Anyone can say anything. If it feels too good to be true, it probably is.”
As we said before, you should play it cool for a while until you have a better idea of how he feels.