You might be in a relationship and not even realize you’re unhappy. Seriously, sometimes falling out of love is like falling into it — it happens slowly, with subtle signs, until you realize you’re knee-deep in it.
There are many of these subtle signs that crop up when you’re starting to lose interest. For example, if you’ve recently started feeling bored or anxious around your partner, instead of excited to see them, that’s usually a red flag that you’ve got to take a deeper look into your feelings. It could be the case that you’re not feeling the relationship anymore. Similarly, if you’ve been checking out other people and comparing them to your partner, that could signal that you’re questioning if you should be with your partner or not. Of course, anyone can “window shop” and it’s normal. But if it’s happening more regularly and you feel guilty about it, then maybe this habit’s trying to tell you something about your feelings regarding your relationship.
Here are 20 signs that you could be losing interest in your partner, so you can decide where to go from here and not waste anymore of your precious time on the wrong relationship.
Everyone feels a bit quiet or bored sometimes, like when you and your partner are just chilling on the weekend. But if these feelings of boredom happen regularly, then it’s a red flag something’s not right because you don’t enjoy your partner’s company.
Other signs that boredom is dangerous include if you zone out every time your partner says something.
Yikes! Not only does boredom make you feel restless, but over time it can start to bring down your mood and possibly even lead to feelings of depression.
It’s totally normal to feel anxious or nervous when you start dating your partner. But, if you’ve been dating for weeks or months and you still feel panicky, maybe it’s not a case of butterflies that you’re dealing with.
You might be feeling the urge to run, and that could be because you’re feeling trapped in the relationship.
It’s important to listen to those feelings of anxiety because if you don’t, it can cause you to be dissatisfied with your life. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel butterflies and sparks — those are the good kind of nerves!
You agree to go out for dinner with your partner but then when you’re driving to the date location, you start to feel a sense of dread. It’s like you’re going to the dentist to have a root canal, not a romantic date! What gives? If you’re disliking time with your S.O., that’s not just a red flag that you’re confused about your relationship — it’s a giant red flag that’s screaming at you to leave the relationship because you’re over it! You should never be with someone who makes you wish they hadn’t asked you out because you’d rather have stayed in bed. You deserve to look forward to dates.
It’s normal to check out other people when you’ve got a partner. However, it’s a completely different story if you’re not only appreciating their good looks or personality but you’re flirting with them all the time. That’s looking for trouble. Are you sure you’re not dipping your toes in the single pool, testing out the waters of what it would be like to be able to date other people? It’s important to analyze your feelings. Even if you’re not experimenting with being single, flirting as though you’re single when you’re not is disrespectful to your partner — you’re micro-cheating! This refers to small acts of betrayal, and, as pointed out in an Elite Daily article, those small actions can end up becoming full-blown infidelity.
Sometimes you catch yourself in the middle of a daydream that’s a little disturbing for your relationship. In it, you’re imagining being on a date with your cute co-worker or you imagine a breakup scenario with your partner — and instead of making you feel anxious or sad, it thrills you!
While daydreaming is usually harmless, if you’re doing it often, it could be trying to tell you something — such as that you’re tempted to make a big move in your life and leave your relationship.
As reported by Reader’s Digest, those daydreams can reveal your innermost thoughts so pay attention!
When you see your friends dating lots of different people or having the freedom to do whatever they want whenever they feel like it without having to take a partner into account, you feel green-eyed with envy!
Although it’s normal to think the grass is greener on the single side when you’re in a LTR, it’s not normal to feel envious regularly.
It might even be bringing you down, making you feel depressed in your relationship. Whatever it’s doing, it’s clearly a sign that you’d rather be single than with your partner.
When you started dating, you and your partner were always keen to chat to each other, whether via phone, text, or on social media. But now, you’re quite happy with letting the communication slide for a few hours, or even days. It’s worth noting this behavior because, while it’s good to enjoy your time alone, it’s not healthy to avoid your partner because you don’t feel the need to talk to them. You should want to be around them and communicate often, otherwise there’s clearly no connection between you anymore.
It’s important to be independent in your relationship. As doctor of psychology and licensed clinical social worker Dr. Danielle Forshee tells Bustle,
“When we are in a relationship, it is important to have a sense of self and independence.”
You have so many other things in your life besides for your relationship, such as friends, hobbies, career, and dreams, and they need your attention. However, it’s about finding some balance. If you’re choosing everything else over your relationship all the time, that’s a red flag it’s not on your list of priorities where it should be.
If you’re feeling dissatisfied in the relationship but not dealing with your feelings, sooner or later they’re going to come out. This could take the form of showing more irritation towards your partner or picking fights with him. You’re clearly frustrated and angry, but it’s unfair to attack your partner.
Rather communicate what you’re going through and do some soul-searching to discover if you even want to be in the relationship anymore.
If all your partner does seems to annoy you, then maybe you’re just sick and tired of them and want out. That’s probably the best option. Remember, a relationship should bring out the best — not worst — in you.
While fighting regularly with your partner can be a sign that there are huge problems in your relationship, never arguing even when you’re hurt or angry is just as bad. It could be that you’re bottling up your real feelings, or you don’t see your relationship as worth fighting for, so you let things go.
You’ve basically become indifferent to your relationship because you don’t care about keeping it healthy and strong.
As Psych Central reports, giving up entirely on emotion because you feel nothing for your partner is a difficult thing to bounce back from. Indifference can therefore be the end of your relationship.
If you often tell your partner you’ve been quiet or unavailable because you’re “so busy,” you’re lying to them and hurting yourself by staying in a relationship you’re not excited about. FYI: No one can be that busy that they can’t send a text. Having “me time” to do your own thing — even if that means having a Netflix day on your own — is healthy. But not if you’re always shutting out your relationship. The solution isn’t to be with your partner more, unless you genuinely want to be with them. If you don’t, the solution is to end things, that way you don’t have to lie anymore.
While making new friends and exploring new hobbies doesn’t have to be a red flag that you’re over your S.O., it can be if it means that you’re trying to create a full life as though preparing for not having your partner anymore. You might also confess to doing fun activities with other people instead of spending time with your S.O. because it makes you happier.
And, it’s especially a red flag if you never invite your partner along to meet your new friends, because it’s as though you’re creating a new life that doesn’t include him.
Look at your behavior — you’ve already chosen a life without him!
When last did you and your partner go on a fun date? A 2010 report from the University of Virginia found that people who had date nights had better relationships. Although relationships are sometimes hard work, they shouldn’t feel draining or stressful a lot of the time. If that’s how you’re feeling lately, then it’s worth looking into how you truly feel about your partner.
You and your partner should be able to have fun together, whether that includes laughing or doing something you both enjoy, or having a late-night chat.
If there’s less fun and more stress, then something’s not right in your relationship. You’re probably over it.
Although you might stop feeling butterflies around your partner when you’ve been dating them for a while, you should still feel excited about being with them. The trick is to keep the flame alive, such as by making quality time with your partner, doing new things together, and boosting your emotional connection.
But that’s the thing, it takes both people in a relationship to keep that spark strong.
If you’re not making that effort anymore, then it’s a sign you’re not feeling the relationship anymore. Love is a verb! If you don’t do the work, you’ve got one foot out of the relationship already.
You might think complimenting your partner isn’t such a big deal. But it’s important. When you compliment your partner, you’re really saying that you notice and appreciate them. It makes them feel loved, whether you compliment the new shirt they’re wearing or how much they support you.
If you don’t compliment your partner, you might not realize it’s a sign that you don’t actually value them.
It’s important to ask yourself why. Maybe you’re already checking out of the relationship mentally and/or emotionally.
Whenever you’re around your partner, you don’t feel confident or happy. Or maybe you find your good mood takes a dive. Those feelings are vital to keep a check on as they can help you discover if your relationship’s what’s causing your shift in mood and/or self-esteem. Being around your partner should make you feel like you can be comfortable and your best self. If that’s not happening, then your emotions are a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship and getting out would be an act of self-care.
You like exploring the city alone and then heading back home to your partner when he or she’s already in bed. Or maybe you find that you don’t feel a need to head home and chat to your partner who lives elsewhere. This feeling of delaying time with your partner is often linked to other issues. For example, maybe you don’t want to be around your partner because you feel better when they’re not around, or maybe you’re finding that you need more time to be alone with your thoughts because your partner makes you feel claustrophobic in the relationship.
Whatever the case, it’s good to explore why you’re engaging in this habit.
Maybe you don’t just need a bit of space in your relationship — you need a whole lot of space without them in your life.
People who laugh together stay together! Don’t underestimate the power of having lots of laughter in your relationship. The Huffington Post reports a study by the University of Kansas that found couples who share the same sense of humor and create humor together have more relationship satisfaction.
Just think, when you laugh together at a witty joke, you’re enjoying a mental connection, but also strengthening your bond and helping to release tension.
If your relationship’s full of stress and boredom instead of good humor, that’s nothing to laugh about. It’s sad!
When your partner used to tease you or surprise you with a funny gift, you’d find it charming. Nowadays, you’re quick to label that behavior annoying. This change signifies a bigger change in your relationship: from being interested in and loving your partner, you’re no longer seeing them in a romantic way.
Maybe, instead of thinking your partner’s changed, it’s worth asking yourself if you’ve changed and what that means.
It’s not worth staying with someone if you don’t love them anymore. It hurts them and you, preventing you both from finding the love you deserve.
Your partner invites you to dinner and a movie, and you say you’d prefer staying indoors with them. This happens often, not because you’re a homebody but because you actually don’t want to be seen with your partner. Maybe you dread your social circle finding out that you’re dating him or you don’t feel like making the effort to date.
These are both bad omens for your relationship future.
Whether you’re avoiding dates because you’re deceiving people about your relationship or because you don’t feel like putting in effort to keep the romance alive, it’s a sign that you’re not feeling the relationship anymore.