If there’s one magic ingredient every relationship needs to actually last, it’s mutual interest and attraction. No matter how much you like someone, you won’t find happiness with them if they don’t genuinely like you back. That may sound simple, but it gets complicated when people pursue relationships with those they aren’t actually interested in. It can be confusing when someone agrees to see you, starts to date you, but then gives you mixed messages that leave you wondering about their true intentions.
The easier you can decode a date’s behavior, and uncover their true feelings, the better you’ll be able to protect your heart from getting hurt. Because let’s face it: it can really sting when you end up getting rejected by someone you thought was into you. It’s good to know how people act when they aren’t actually into someone, so you know what to look out for in case the person you’re with isn’t as emotionally invested in the relationship as you thought. The signs are easy to see as long as you know what to look for.
Read on to find out how to tell when you’re more interested in your partner than they are in you, and how to tell when it’s the total opposite.
A big sign that someone’s not actually that interested in you, is if they couldn’t care less about the things you’re interested in. Put simply, we’re naturally curious about all aspects of the people we like, and that includes their likes and dislikes. This is especially true in the beginning of a relationship, when two people first start dating. You can have different interests, but if he’s keen on you, he’ll want to know as much about you as he can.
This should be obvious! It’s human nature to be there for the people we care about. They say that tough times are important because they show us who has our backs and who doesn’t. If someone doesn’t have your back when you need it, then it’s safe to assume they don’t care about you as much as you thought. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but something you should know sooner rather than later, before you get too involved.
On the other hand, if someone is super into you—perhaps more into you than you’re into them—they’ll be willing to do just about anything for you. That can be a common side effect of the early stages of love, or even lust. You’ll want to do anything for that person, even if it puts you in jeopardy, or is a terrible idea. Somebody who will go to the ends of the earth for you, who’ll willing to climb a mountain while bent over backward, is probably extremely into you.
Official dates are a lot of fun, but when someone likes you, they’re happy to see you under any circumstances. They’ll want to hang out with you and do absolutely nothing, or even get together just to talk without having anything else planned. If they’re never available to do something like that with you, and only want to see you when there’s a dinner or sleepover involved, it could be because they’re just not into you as a person.
A huge sign that someone isn’t that into you is when they only contact you for specific things. In other words, they use you for what they can. Using someone can manifest in many different ways—they might only want you for your body, or want you for your contacts, or for when things fall apart in their life because you’re a really good listener. But good relationships are a two-way street. One-way dating shows that they’re not really serious.
People naturally put time and effort into the things they care about, and that includes other people. You can almost be certain that if you’re dating someone who never takes the time or initiative to organize a date, they probably aren’t that interested in you. Or at least, not as interested in you as you are in them. Both parties should put in an equal amount of effort; it shouldn’t just fall onto one person. If it does, that person cares more.
Consistent canceling is another sign that the person you’re dating isn’t very into you. This behavior suggests that they don’t actually want to see you, but they won’t tell you because they don’t want the confrontation, so they cancel and reschedule until you get the hint. There are other reasons why people cancel too, but if it’s happening all the time, it’s probably their way of showing you that they aren’t keen to catch up.
When you are interested in someone, you will do whatever you can to see them. It’s only natural. Even if you are the busiest person in the world, you will find a way to make it work because seeing them is important to you. If you’re with someone who will do whatever it takes to see you, but you don’t do the same for him, it’s probably a sign that he’s more into you than you are to him.
When the chemistry is lacking between two people, trying to maintain conversations can be really tricky. This is also true if one person just isn’t as interested in the other one. We usually put in the effort of making conversation with people we like, and it shouldn’t be hard because we’re so interested in what they have to say. If your date isn’t like that with you, it could be a sign that he isn’t as interested as you thought.
Everybody has flaws. In the honeymoon phase of a relationship, when two people are extremely into each other, these flaws just aren’t a big deal. Your feelings for that person override them. So when you’re with someone who doesn’t seem to notice your flaws, or notices them and embraces them, it’s a sign that they are interested in you. By contrast, if their flaws totally turn you off, you just don’t have the same kind of feelings in return.
It’s never a good sign when your date doesn’t want to be seen in public with you. That’s not to say that they have to be comfortable with blasting your time together all over social media, but they shouldn’t avoid being seen with you. If they do, it’s probably an indicator that they’re not serious about a relationship with you. Or they’re hiding something from you. In either case, that’s not the behavior of someone who’s really interested in you.
Frequently canceling dates is one sign that a person isn’t really interested in being with you, and another sign is when they don’t agree to go on the dates in the first place. Not everyone is confident enough to say that they don’t want to date you, so some people will make up excuses. It might be that they’re always working late or don’t have a car. But remember that when someone wants to see you, they find a way to do it.
It’s amazing what we’ll put up with for the people we like! If someone is taking a lot from you, particularly when you wouldn’t take it back, it’s a sign that they’re seriously interested in you. Most people don’t subject themselves to that kind of treatment unless there are real feelings there. We’re not suggesting that partners should put up with a lot to prove their love and earn yours back, by the way. If they do, there’s an imbalance and the relationship isn’t healthy.
A person who is serious about their feelings for you will accept you for who you are, plain and simple. If you feel judged when you act like yourself in front of your date, it probably means that they don’t feel that strongly about you. People who are into you will be attracted to who you are, not turned off by it. They will encourage you to be yourself because they’ll want you to be happy rather than feel like you’re being judged.
In every relationship, there comes a time to meet the family. It might be early for some and later for others, but sooner or later, it has to happen. If the person you’re dating refuses to meet your family, and you’ve been dating long enough to ask, it could be because they’re not that serious or interested in a future with you. Would you want to meet the family of someone you were going to give the boot? Probably not.
In most cases, when you’re interested in being with someone, you try to impress the people who are important to them. That’s the most natural reaction. So in theory, the person you’re dating should make the effort to be nice to your friends. Unless your friends are horrible to them, there’s no excuse for not being nice. If this happens to you, it could be because your partner just doesn’t care enough to impress them or gain their approval.
By the same token, people tend to be nice to the person their friend is dating, if their friend really likes them. If your partner’s friends are always rude, and your partner does nothing to intervene, they’ve probably never mentioned that they really care about you. Not everyone talks about everything with their friends, but still, friends treating you poorly with no consequence is a sign that your partner isn’t taking your relationship seriously. If they were, they would defend you.
The people in your partner’s life treating you poorly is one sign that they’re not serious about you. Another sign is when these people have never even heardof you. Time plays a factor in this—obviously you can’t expect to be mentioned if you’ve been dating a week. But after six months or so, if nobody has heard about you at all, it could be a sign that they’re not as interested in you as you are in them.
You might find that your partner’s attraction to you is related to how you look. When you’re looking your best, they are all over you. But when you’re having an ugly day—as we all do—they don’t want to know you. This is a warning sign that they’re not actually interested in you, and their attraction is based on lust. Someone seriously into you wouldn’t be that influenced by your looks because they’re attracted to you as a whole.
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re annoying the person you’re dating? This can happen when they’re cold to you, have closed off body language, and make it difficult for the conversation to flow. It can also happen when you have to be the one to initiate everything, and when you don’t get a response every time you speak to them. And when you do get a response, it’s late. If that happens, it could be a sign that they’re not really into you.
People are emotionally unavailable for a variety of reasons, but it doesn’t always stop them from getting involved in the physical side of a new relationship. When your date is emotionally unavailable, it probably means that they’re not interested in taking things further with you, even if they are interested in getting physical. Timing can play a part in this one too, but it will come to a point that if they don’t open up to you, you can be sure that they’re just not interested in being with you.
Sooner or later, all couples have that talk about the future. It usually involves defining the relationship as it is and making plans about where it’s going. If you’ve been involved for a long time, and the other person refuses to bring up the future or discuss what the relationship is in the present, it could be a sign that they’re just playing games. They don’t have to agree to marry you, but when they won’t even discuss small details, it’s not a promising sign.
Arguing over who texts first may sound petty, but this can actually reveal a lot about the relationship. If you’re always the person to text first, it’s a strong sign that you’re more invested in the relationship than the other person. A relationship shouldn’t feel like you’re always bugging the other person. Playing hard to get in the beginning is one thing, but it should come to the point where both people are honest about how interested they are.
Another sign that someone is really interested in you is when they remember most of the little things you tell them. It’s a natural human reaction to pay attention when someone you like is talking, and because you’re paying attention, you’ll remember the little details they provide. So when you’re with someone who never remembers the little things you tell them, it could be a sign that they just aren’t as interested in you as you thought.
A one-sided relationship usually means that one person is more interested in making it work than the other. There are other factors that stop someone from working on a relationship, like laziness or a sense of power that comes from being chased. But overall, if both people are invested in the relationship, both people will make it work. So if the other person is the only one putting in any effort, it’s probably because your heart just isn’t in it.