Even if you don’t subscribe to astrology, there’s a good chance you know the answer to the question, “What’s your sign?” The reign of Western Astrology has been long and filled with newspaper columns warning about the entrance of a tall, dark stranger, but recently, the trend has picked up some cultural cache. For fans both seasoned and new, here are a bunch of great astrology tweets and memes for every sign, because I know that you like reading goofs about your sign. I know you do. We’ve all got a little narcissistic streak — some Leos more than others. (Sorry, Leos; just kidding. You guys are so fun.)
The astrology the majority of Americans are familiar with first arose in Mesopotamia, created by the Babylonians, refined by the Greeks, and preserved by the Arab Empire. In regulating the interpretation of the stars and planets, the Babylonians gave structure to what is an inherent, human instinct: Looking to the skies for guidance.
Astrologers charted the Sun’s movement through the Zodiac constellation belt, and noted the temperament in babies born throughout the year — so those stereotypes about signs? I mean, like, OK, they may not apply directly to you, but you gotta have at least a little reverence for sick burns that have managed to stay intact over millennia.
Ready for some memes? Read on, my celestial friends.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
DEVELOPING: An Aries has fallen in love 13 times as of 10:35am. Nothing special.
According to Astrology Zone, “The presence of Aries always marks the beginning of something energetic and turbulent” — and really, is there anything more turbulent than love?
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
This holiday-infested, cold December, sensual #Taurus is snuggled up in animal-fur blankets, in front of a fire place, or wishing they were.
I know you won’t admit that you own at least three velvet articles of clothing, but just know that we all know.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
All I’ll say is, when you Google “Gemini,” there are an awful lot of “Gemini survival guides.”
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Cancer: I’m everyone’s mom!
All other signs: lolll
Everyone’s friend group needs a Mother Hen Cancer.
Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)
Leo mass text: are you busy or what
Leo to English translation: why haven’t you liked my photo or fav’d my tweets in the last 3 mins bitch
OK, I’m sorry, but what else does one expect from a fire sign whose symbol is referred to as the ruler of the jungle? Like, I know lions are just big cats, but come on, you all act surprised every time a Leo pulls this.
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
Virgo: Today you will embrace life and dance naked in a thunderstorm. You will be immediately struck by lightning.
“Those born under this sign are forever the butt of jokes,” says Astrology.com. I mean, yes, that’s a true astrology website — but it’s just that you guys are so detail-oriented and picky. Thus, this tweet has kill’t me.
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
Friend: Do you like poetry readings?
Libra: Yes, I love crying to Lana Del Rey on the bus.
As a Libra, I’m screaming, but also commissioning a painting of this tweet tomorrow.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
I love when you tell someone you’re a Scorpio and they look at you like they know you’ll eat their soul
The body part of Scorpio is literally “THE CROTCH.” Y’all frighten me. Yruly.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
A Sagittarius is just an Aquarius who doesn’t know how to stop spending money
Downfall of a Sagittarius: “Details” I yelled.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)
You know how Capricorn is the sign of the mountain goat? And mountain goats climb mountains, ever striving for the top, living their entire lives at the apex? Hmm. Just saying.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
I bet an aquarius man’s ego is more fragile than a tissue paper.
Aquarian dislikes: “People who disagree with them.”
Pisces Feb. 19 – March 20)
Tell a Pisces you love them once and they’ll offer you a spare set of keys to their apartment a few days later
Pisces’ ruling planet? Neptune, the planet of fantasy. Haha. Hahahahahaha