Breakups are indeed heartbreaking! Just when you thought he was the ‘right one,’ the relationship bit the dust. Before the final break up, there are usually some signs that your relationship is headed for the rocks. If you were aware of it, then the breakup may not have been so much of a shock. Sometimes, you may be the one who had to call it off for complicated reasons of your own, even though you were in love with him.
Relationships are complicated and irrespective of whether you broke up with him or he dumped you, getting over the break up of a romantic relationship is painful. While some people seem to get over it fast enough and find themselves in a happier relationship, others find themselves stuck in the past with regrets. Sometimes you may feel you have moved on, but the truth may be that you haven’t.
In movies or TV shows, you see clear signs of a person being hung up on their ex. The guy stares longingly at the girl all day or vice versa, breathes in their scent while standing behind them in an elevator or call out their name during a hot make-out session with their new date. While these may be true life occurrences, signs of being hung up on your ex can be much more subtle. If you worry whether you are over your ex or not, take a look at these ten signs to see if you are still hung on them, If so, don’t worry, we’ll tell you all the best ways to move on with your life and be ready for the more exciting romantic adventures that destiny has in store for you.
Even though it been a few months since the breakup, you can’t bring yourself to delete his old texts or the photos of the two of you together, from your phone. You still cherish these reminders. You read the old romantic emails and texts reliving your best times together. Photos of him bring back cherished memories of great times together.
You feel sentimental and protective of gifts he’s given you during your relationship or maybe some items of clothing he left at your place.
If you find yourself snuggling up with his old T-shirt while sleeping, then I don’t think you need to be told just how hung up on your ex you still are. If you wish to move forward in life, you need to trash that T-shirt along with all relationship trinkets.
You know his habits and use them to “stalk” him. Like when exactly he tends to go to his favorite coffee shop and you turn up accordingly to stage an “accidental” run-in. You hear about a party he’s going to be at, so you wrangle an invitation for the same. By showing up at places where they may be present, your main focus is on how they are responding emotionally to your presence.
You are desperate to get a glimpse of him no matter how much of an emotional wreck you might be afterward.
Your focus should be on what’s happening in your life and not what’s going on in theirs. Posting things online just to provoke a response from them is also not a healthy way to handle a breakup. You must turn your focus away from them and their reactions or emotions.
You are moving on with your life and have started dating other people. But there is a big part of you that wishes your ex sees just how happy you are without him.
If you are dating with the intention of making your ex jealous, that means your focus is still on him. You haven’t moved on at all.
You may actually be unaware that you are still hung up on him. So stop thinking about your ex and best avoid places you may accidentally run into him, rather than consciously choosing venues where he hangs out.
The taste of pumpkin spice lattes remind you of your morning routine before work. You hear birds chirping in your backyard and your thoughts wander to the time you were having a picnic in the park and he was throwing bread bits to the birds. Anything and everything has a memory associated with him and remembering just makes you miss him even more.
Breakups can be painful, even more so if he is the one who broke up with you. You are wounded and need to heal. For that, you need to get rid of things that remind you of him and stay away from places that you used to frequent together. Discover new hobbies, new places, and a new life. Let go of the old and embrace the new.
Social media is a great way to reach out to people. It can also be used as a passive-aggressive weapon to send out subtle messages to your ex like posting quotes on lost love or longing for love, or projecting your sadness and your desire for everlasting love. You are trying to win him back using every trick in the book, though you don’t admit that even to yourself.
If not the sad, heartbroken lady, you play the other extreme. You want to show him you are doing great without him, so you post snaps that show you partying and having an incredible life. You pose with other guys specifically to post these snaps online and make your ex jealous. Take a good look at yourself and you’ll realize you are so hung up on him that your every action is dictated by thoughts about him.
Just because you ran a Google search on an old flame or clicked on their Facebook/ LinkedIn profile to check out what’s happening with them, it doesn’t mean you still harbor feelings for them. It’s perfectly normal to want to check in on your ex occasionally to see what he’s up to once in a few months or even years. We check out profiles of our high school or college pals don’t we? That’s just curiosity, nothing to worry about.
But cyber-stalking is a whole different story. You cross the line from healthy curiosity to unhealthy obsessions as you frequently monitor his actions online. What are his new posts? Is he happy without you? Is that his new date? Who has commented or liked his post? If a girl has liked or commented, you keep an eye on her profile too to figure out if there’s any chemistry happening there. Keeping tabs on your ex is a trap that draws you in further into an unhealthy obsession over your ex.
Maybe you are just trying to put on a brave face and prove that you are unaffected by the breakup. But if you want to completely get over your ex, then its best to remain active on their social media, even if you are not obsessing over it, as mentioned in the previous point. Liking someone’s selfies on Instagram and Facebook can be considered flirting.
Liking his snaps, posting comments, and starting conversations on social media is not advisable.
Even if you decided to remain as friends there is no obligation to interact on social media. For your peace of mind and quicker healing from the breakup, stick with your own facebook page, not his.
After your breakup, you poured your heart out to your girlfriends who listened sympathetically. They were all so understanding, but as the months pass, even they have had enough and have no desire to hear his name mentioned again. But you just can’t help yourself.
Sometimes, you yourself felt disgusted at just how often his name pops up in your conversations, especially when you are making an attempt to do so. This is happening because you are still hung up on him and allow yourself to entertain memories of him.
To stop talking about him, you need to start living a life that has nothing to do with him in any manner.
Find joy in new friends and interests that leave you with no time to wallow in his memories.
Either you are still texting him or maybe you manage to resist the inclination, though you find yourself constantly on the verge of doing so. Just because you resisted the urge doesn’t mean you are over him.
You considered texting him when you saw a shirt on sale you know he’ll love. You couldn’t recall the name of that Chinese restaurant you both went to and you wonder if its okay to text and ask him about it.
Whatever your reason, if you frequently feel like reaching out to him, however innocently it might be, it means you are thinking too much about him. If such urges are on a daily (or even hourly) basis, its time to take drastic actions. You need to commit yourself to a specified time period where you will not contact him at all.
If you are with a rebound guy just days after the breakup, it’s understandable that your ex is still on your mind and you blurt out his name accidentally when you meant to say the other guy’s name. But if it has been months since your break up and you still call out your ex’s name during a conversation or while smooching, this means he is still on your mind.
You can blame this on the force of habit. While this may be true to a certain extent, do you call your landlord or coworkers accidentally using his name?
Probably not! If these accidents are occurring while you are feeling romantic or being intimate, then this means consciously or subconsciously, you are thinking of your ex.
If you find that the above points are true in your case and wish to get over your ex completely, then you have come to the right place. Here are 10 ways to get rid of those nagging memories of your ex and move on happily with your life.
Its normal to feel absolutely miserable after a breakup. If you feel like crying, then do so. There is no need to suppress what you are feeling.
Allow yourself to process the grief and hide behind a cheerful or indifferent attitude.
You are feeling heartbroken and sorry for yourself. Indulge in a tub of ice cream if it helps you. Talk about it with your friends as much as you want to for the first few days or even weeks, depending how patient your friends are. Do not bottle up your emotions, they will eventually erupt in an unhealthy way. The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The faster you allow yourself to move through these stages, the faster you will heal.
If you are finding it difficult to get over him then its imperative that you remove all reminders of him from your life. Photographs of the both of you together or his personal stuff will keep reminding you of him, so get rid of them.
Get rid of all his clothes, toothbrush, magazines, or any other stuff that’s lying around in your place. If there are any foods in your kitchen or fridge that was only there because he liked it, then it’s definitely time to toss them in the trash. Decluttering such stuff will help declutter your mind and help with the mourning process.
Delete his phone number and all other contact data. Change your number if needed to ensure he doesn’t contact you either. It may seem extreme, but for your own peace of mind, block him from your Facebook, Twitter, Instagram accounts, and so on and unfollow him from all social media accounts. Delete every related thing from your phone and computer — all photos, texts, emails, etc.
Even if you are past the worst of the grief stage and have finally started accepting and moving on, just one look at his social media page can set you back.
Photos of your ex looking joyful with his new partner can have your emotions spiralling again. A lot of what you see on social media is just pretence. But whether its true or not is not your concern. So it’s best not to know what’s happening in their lives and move on with yours.
One of the saddest things about the breakup of a romantic relationship is the loss of a good friend. A lot of relationships started out as great friendships before the romance developed. Best friends sometimes become romantically involved and if the relationship ends, it’s not advisable to try to remain friends.
Remaining friends with your ex makes it really difficult to get over them completely and delays the healing process.
Even when you eventually start seeing other people, your friendship with your ex will probably make your new partner insecure. While out-of-sight does not mean out-of-mind, it does help if you can set clear boundaries and make a clean cut from your ex-best friend.
When we are in a relationship, sometimes we get so focused on our partner that we lose our own identity. Their likes become our likes, their friends become our friends, and we tend to frequent the same locations such as restaurants. We end up growing apart from our old friends and even family members as we were so focused on our ex. In such cases, when a break up happens unexpectedly, we end up reeling without a shoulder to lean on or a safe place to grieve in.
To get over a relationship you invested so much of yourself in, you need to build a new support network.
Parents or an older sibling can be helpful in such circumstances. Reconnect with your old friends and find new friends as well. Get a therapist if needed, though friends are free therapists who allow you to vent about him as much as you want to. Having your own social network will help you move on much faster.
While it is therapeutic to discuss your break up with friends or a therapist, this is more helpful while you are in the denial, bargaining, and anger phases of your grief. To move on to acceptance, you need to now stop this analysis and your regrets. You need to stop looking for reasons and explanations.
No matter who broke up with who, it’s over now and you need to accept the finality of the breakup. It’s impractical to expect yourself not to think of him at all, but every time you do, you need to distract yourself. An idle mind is the devil’s workshop, so keep yourself busy.
This may sound harsh, but if are having a tough time getting over him, then you need to remember what their faults are. Nobody is perfect. All couples disagree and argue, no matter how much in love they are. Our love for them eventually makes us overlook many of our partner’s faults. In toxic relationships especially, your partner can make you feel like it’s your fault rather than theirs. You end up having to justify their actions to yourself, as well as to your friends and family.
So now is a great time to focus on those faults and acknowledge that he wasn’t exactly Mr. Right. In fact, you are lucky to have gotten out of a relationship with a guy who didn’t value you.
There may be plenty of good things about him, but thinking about that will make you romanticize the old relationship. So overlook such stuff and make a list of all the things that you didn’t like about him.
There is a time for Netflix binges with ice cream tubs for company, but don’t let a break up turn you into a sniffling sloth. You need to get physically active. Go to the gym and punch some bags, it will feel good. Go walking, running, cycling, swimming — physical activity releases feel-good endorphins and will leave you feeling energized.
Join a gym, a Zumba dance class, or play basketball at a nearby park — this will help you meet new people as well. Take your dog for a walk. Get a dog if you don’t have one, they make better companions than the partner who broke up with you. Dogs are loyal companions who can lift your mood and make you feel loved. Give them a little love and see just how much they reciprocate. So much better than any man who doesn’t value you.
Exercise not only makes you feel good, but it also makes you look better than ever by helping shed those extra pounds of fat. Rather than feeling unlovable just because some man was foolish enough to leave you, work on improving yourself, especially your health. Get a new haircut, buy a new perfume — anything that gives you a renewed and fresh feel. It needn’t be expensive, just make smart choices within your budget.
Your diet is another thing you need to pay attention to. Avoid sugary and processed foods, have more natural healthy foods, more protein, healthy carbs, and so on. All these food and activity changes will make you healthier than ever, and boost your confidence as well. This is not because you were not good enough before, it’s because you were too focused on him to care for yourself the way you should have. So make good use of this resetting of your priorities.
The great thing about “closure” is the acceptance of “now its all about me, rather than we.” Embrace your newfound freedom! Now you can do all the things that would have otherwise jeopardized your relationship or made your partner feel offended or disrespected. Go on a vacation, take trips to exotic destinations, or take up a totally unfamiliar, but exciting hobby.
Use your new-found freedom to tick things off your bucket list of wishes. Spend time dreaming about what lies in your future rather than regretting what’s in the past. Your ex may have been a nice guy, but the person in your future could be even better. Expect new love to appear at any moment. Romance can appear anywhere and at anytime. So stop looking back with longing. Instead, look forward with anticipation. Your task now is to ensure you are not stuck in the past when it does — be ready for it this time around to dazzle the true love you’re meant to be with.