After we’ve all watched Fifty Shades of Grey, we’ve been thinking about that dominant-submissive relationship they talk about. Does it really exist? How does it work? Well, those questions aren’t that hard to answer. First of all, it does exist and just like in the movie, it’s about one partner who dominates over the other because of the power they have in the relationship.
When you look around yourself, you see that most women fall for dominant, strong and powerful men who are just waiting for a fragile and gentle woman to come their way. But what is it actually?
What is a dominant-submissive relationship?
The truth is that this type of relationship isn’t only about s*x, even though most people may think it is. Actually, the dominant-submissive relationship can be seen in all aspects of our life.
The dominant partner protects, leads and guides the submissive, while the submissive is a fragile servant who’s there to please their master. It does sound bizarre to most of us but in actuality, relationships really do work this way; maybe even better than standard ones.
In this type of relationship, there are strict rules that the submissive must follow. They are not usually extreme but they have to be respected in order for the relationship to work this way. It doesn’t have to be a contract, like in the movie we were talking about before, but rather an open conversation about what each partner wants in the relationship and what the submissive is willing to do for their dominant partner.
In most scenarios, the limits of the submissive side of the relationship aren’t crossed. But for that to be true the dominant one has to know exactly where those limits lie. Gathering information in relationships is very important but here it’s crucial. The best way to gather information about your submissive partner is honest communication, by asking questions and never disrespecting their limits.
One important thing to say is that the roles in a dominant-submissive relationship aren’t absolute. They can be changed. For example, if a woman is the submissive one, she can give her partner a massage and please him in ways he commands but the next day they exchange roles and he has to do whatever she asks him to do, that is in his limits.
You just have to know that this relationship style is actually a lifestyle people take very seriously. These couples live a completely normal lifestyle that just involves two people living for the pleasure of one another. Which means that their relationships aren’t really much different from the rest of us.
If you were wondering: yes, these relationships really do work! Not every dominant-submissive relationship is the same as the next but at the end of the day, they are all very dynamic and open-minded. These people can work very well together if they want the same things and if they share the same interest in BDSM.
Traits and roles of the dominant
In order for you to better understand how all of this works, let me tell you some traits and roles of the dominant one in this type of relationship. They are not easily spotted, because as I said before, many men love to be adored and worshipped in this way but some of them love it just a bit more.
1. Takes control over everything
2. Expects to be pleased
3. Is responsible
4. Prioritizes their desires
5. Demands obedience
Traits and roles of the submissive
While the dominant is all about being in control, the submissive loves to be controlled and loves to please their partner in every way possible. This doesn’t just include in the bedroom but actually every aspect of life in which they can fulfill a need of their dominant.
The important thing to realize is that the submissive isn’t forced to do anything they don’t want. They are not a slave, their desire is simply to please their partner. The traits and roles of the submissive include:
1. Being prepared to please their partner’s wants and needs
2. Accepting to be controlled
3. Putting the needs of their partner above everything else
4. Showing the desire to please the dominant
10 rules in a dominant-submissive relationship
As mentioned previously, this is a specific type of relationship in which rules have to be established in order for everything to work properly and so that every side of the relationship gets what they need in order to be happy.
Just to be clear, there are no hard rules, because these rules are created by the principles of both sides of the relationship so that both know what to comply with, what to avoid and how to enforce the rules.
If you want to engage in this type of relationship without having had any experience before, then be careful and open-minded to all the rules that are about to come about in order to get the most out of it.
As mentioned before, having an open mind really is crucial in this type of relationship. In every relationship you have to be open-minded about the values and perspectives of your partner but more so in this one in particular. Why? Well, because, in a dominant-submissive relationship, even though the dominant is the one who executes the commands, it doesn’t mean that he can’t learn something from the submissive. It all depends on the experience you both have and on the willingness to learn from one another and to work together. This is a couple effort and you have to work together to make it pleasant.
Also you have to be open-minded to try out new things that you might not have liked before. Maybe this time and the way he does it is actually different? Who knows? Give it a try and see what happens, as long as it’s not going to hurt you too much (unless you want it to).
I know that it sounds weird but even though your submissive partner loves to be dominated, it doesn’t mean that they don’t see your human side. Your partner wants to fall in love with your human side, too; the one who knows how to have mercy and the one who is willing to bend the rules and give lighter punishments.
The only way to be trusted is to show trustworthiness first. You have to show your partner that you can be trusted to respect the rules and not cross the line. Even though it’s expected from the submissive to act as a servant, it’s also expected from the dominant to act as a worthy leader. No woman in this day and age will go on her knees for someone who doesn’t deserve it! That’s why it’s very important to build the trust between you two.
You have to trust your partner that he won’t hit you too hard when he’s punishing you and that he won’t go all out when it comes to hitting you. Imagine if a grown man would hit you as hard as he could, just because you trusted him and you let him do it? Well, it’s not a dominant-submissive relationship anymore, but an abusive one.
4. Lower expectations
You can’t expect your partner to fulfill all your crazy fantasies. You have to lower your expectations in order for them to fit the willingness of your partner. In any other way, the relationship simply won’t work.
For example, if you are a dominant, don’t expect your partner to get undressed every time you come home from work or to always call you Master. Just imagine if you came home from work with a friend and your wife was sitting on the floor in front of the door completely naked. It’s not about embarrassing your partner! And also, if she doesn’t want to call you Master at a certain moment, then you probably haven’t deserved it at all.
Also, if you’re a submissive, don’t expect your partner to praise you every time you do a good job; know that he can do things on his own, which means that he won’t always need you to do things for him. I know that you are there to please him but remember that you’re not there to do everything for him. You are his partner, not a slave.
5. Honest communication
Communication is the key in this type of relationship as in every other. You have to gather information about one another in order to actually see if you’re compatible for a dominant-submissive relationship. You have to talk about health, boundaries, s*x needs and your previous experience of this type of relationship.
Women especially want to have their minds read but it’s not that easy. Unless you verbalize what you want and don’t want, it remains in your head.
For example, if you’re the dominant one and you want to push the limits a bit, then you have to sit down with your partner and talk everything through in detail so you know if it’s appropriate or not. If you refuse to talk about your wants and needs then the relationship is doomed to fail without a doubt.
You want this relationship experience to be a positive one, don’t you? If yes, invest in your communication and show your partner that they can be heard at any given time because you will dedicate the time and energy needed to meet their needs.
6. Use a safe word
When you’ve decided that you want to start this type of relationship, make sure to establish a safe word. Because of the fact that this type of relationship can get a bit dangerous in-between the sheets, make sure to have a safe word that your submissive will say so you know that they need to stop.
Don’t use any word that you would usually use in a s*xual scenario. Use a word that’s unusual and that lets the dominant know that everything is not OK.
You can also establish words that show you’re either OK or that they need to stop right away or you’ll get seriously hurt. Many people use the green/yellow/red system here. Green means ‘go ahead’, yellow is ‘proceed but with caution’ and red is a simple and clear ‘STOP!’ The dominant partner has to obey the safe word in order for the relationship to proceed in a healthy manner.
The dominant-submissive relationship requires both partners to be mentally and physically healthy. This involves good sleeping habits, a minimum intake of alcohol, a nutritious diet and a stress-free lifestyle.
If your submissive isn’t able to meet your needs because of health problems then don’t force yourself on them but rather invest in their well-being and let them take as much time as needed in order to regain their strength and then you can continue your relationship as before.
You have to respect each other’s comfort zones and if you do experiment around, don’t do it without the consent of the other. There are more important things in life than s*x, so if you see that your partner simply can’t continue to please you, then stop. It’s not worth it.
Why are you doing all of this? To enjoy yourself, right? You both do it in order to have some fun and to enjoy your relationship on a whole new level. That’s why you have to respect each other because otherwise you won’t get what you are searching for. Remember that it’s not about punishing someone or doing everything that’s needed in order to please someone just because it’s easier that way. But look for the joyful part in it and don’t forget why you started all of this in the first place: to get the most out of your relationship.
Don’t push each other’s limits just so you can punish them for doing something you aren’t a fan of. Look at their face and see if they’re enjoying it. If not, stop.
You don’t have to run around commanding your partner every step of the way. Start it as with every other usual relationship. Understand each other, communicate and be gentle. Don’t rush anything. Have patience and your partner will thank you afterward.
In order to create a comfortable atmosphere for the submissive to relax more, you have to be gentle and caring. I know that it’s not in your nature if you’re the dominant one but your relationship will last longer if you put in that extra effort and really do have patience with your partner.
All of your fantasies can’t come true at the same time. Have patience as the dominant or the submissive. Don’t just rush your partner into doing things right away but have faith that they will loosen up with time. It’s very important to not forget that you are both human beings who have to take their time in order to get the most out of their position.
10. Follow the rules
If you have established rules at the beginning of the relationship then be sure to fulfill them. Don’t go up to your dominant out of nowhere, telling him that you didn’t want to do something. If you have established certain rules, be sure to stick to them.
This is how you build trust in your relationship and it’s how you know that you are both getting something out of it. You’re not being taken advantage of and your partner respects all the rules. That why you should, too.
Follow all the rules that you have agreed on and if you really want to change something you’ve already talked about then make sure to let your partner know beforehand instead of telling him that right before or during s*x.
Examples of submissive rules to follow
Because you might be a beginner in the field of the dominant-submissive relationship, I am going to give you some examples and ideas for submissive rules to follow. It’s nothing too much, simply some inspiration and insight into this type of relationship.
Spanking doesn’t always have to be a punishment. Sometimes it’s used to let the submissive know that their work is being acknowledged. But spanking should be as hard as you two agree on. Here, it’s really important to use your safe word if needed.
2. You will not wear panties around the house
A simple and effective rule. The dominant knows that he’s in power while the submissive isn’t harmed from it.
3. You shall provide s*x upon command
To let the dominant really feel his power, rules like these are needed. The submissive partner has to please their dominant at any given time of the day.
4. Ask for permission before you cum
No explanation needed.
5. Remember who you belong to
The submissive shouldn’t have any other s*xual partner while they’re in this type of relationship. By being monogamous, it lets the dominant know that they are in full control and that there’s nothing they should be fighting for. The submissive has to know whom they belong to so that the dominant never takes their loyalty into question.
6. Make Master proud
Again, the submissive doesn’t have to call the dominant Master unless they deserve it. But making their master proud actually has a deeper meaning. It’s not just about the pleasing of their physical needs but also about making them proud of you in every aspect of your life.
7. I speak, you obey
Whatever the dominant says he wants, he gets.
What do you think?
I know that most of these things might sound confusing and scary but believe me, they can be very romantic and pleasant for both sides of the relationship. Don’t get scared by BDSM p*rn, because it is too brutal and too unrealistic.
A true dominant-submissive relationship is respect and care and every woman wants that in her relationship. The only difference here is that there are strict rules established that you have to follow in order to keep one another happy and satisfied.
Maybe if you give it a try, you might like it also. Maybe you are the dominant one and you will find your submissive whom you will make happy and who will do anything to please your every need. These relationships can be better than the majority of relationships people think of as normal and functioning.
So don’t worry! Even if you just want to experiment around for a while, just make sure to let your partner know that when you’re establishing the rules of the relationship.