Unless you’re settling down with a robot, you’ll find that every relationship requires some element of compromise. Some relationships are one-way-streets, but those tend to fizzle out sooner or later. In the same way that people can be selfish and allow their partner to make all the compromises while they go on living like a singleton, they can also go the opposite way. Some people break their backs trying to please a partner who expects to be treated like a god. In our experience, neither of those are good ideas. The hard work in the relationship is a load to be shared equally. In order for two humans to be happy together, they have to cater to each other’s needs and strike a balance.
While being in a relationship is about looking after your partner’s needs, it’s also important to differentiate between compromise and sacrifice. You’ll have to put in the effort and sometimes deal with inconveniences if it means making your partner happy, but in a healthy relationship, you won’t have to give up the things most important to you or change the essence of who you are.
Read on to find out which compromises you should make in a relationship, and which you shouldn’t have to.
This one is a no-brainer! When two people come together and try to organize their lives around each other, there are going to have to be some adjustments.
It shouldn’t be up to one person to completely reorganize their schedule to fit into the other person’s life, but the onus should fall on both equally to work out a diary or calendar that suits everyone.
Usually, this means being prepared enough to make time for each other while still maintaining work, friends, family, hobbies, and a little rest. It can be complicated, but it’s a compromise that’s necessary for the survival of the relationship.
When you’re with the right person the communication should flow and there really shouldn’t be anything important you can’t talk to each other about. While it’s okay to have discussions about your beliefs and values with your partner, especially if they differ, it’s not okay for your partner to demand that you change those things to suit them.
Values and beliefs live right in your core and are a package deal as part of who you are. Not everyone’s going to agree with or accept them, but as long as they’re not harmful, the person you commit yourself to should.
Life in a long-term relationship is different from life as a single gal in many ways. There are pros and cons to both, but they require a different way of thinking.
You don’t have to completely become a new person once you commit yourself to someone else, but you do have to start making decisions with them in mind.
When it comes to things that you once would have agreed to without batting an eye, like travel, moving and spending, you have to at least consider your partner’s position on those subjects when making those big decisions in a serious relationship.
Getting into a serious relationship is a big change, but like we said, not everything has to totally transform. You shouldn’t have to give up who you are for a relationship, and part of that means keeping the same goals you had before.
Naturally, goals tend to change as life goes on, and it’s okay at twenty-nine to no longer want the things you wanted when you were nineteen. But you shouldn’t have to sacrifice something you want with all your heart just so you can keep your relationship. Particularly if your partner isn’t making any similar sacrifices, you shouldn’t either.
A long-term relationship is great in so many ways, but all honest couples will tell you that at times, it’s also a huge pain.
There are going to be times when you’re inconvenienced, but to keep the relationship healthy, you’re going to have to suck it up and deal.
You might have to go and stand in the rain to watch your partner play football, or attend dinner at his family’s house even though you don’t like the food being served, or miss out on an event you want to go to because you already agreed to go somewhere with him. It goes both ways!
If there’s one thing that should be non-negotiable in any relationship, it’s the safety of both people involved. Relationships are challenging, but they should never have either person living in fear. We all have a right to feel safe and comfortable with our partners, so this isn’t something you should ever compromise, no matter how much you’re into the person you’re dating.
Your partner might help you emerge from your comfort zone in different ways that benefit you over the long run (think getting you to try a new food), but it should only happen with your consent. Always, always, always!
Vacationing together is one of the most fun parts of being in a relationship. But there’s a good chance that you could fall in love with someone who has a totally different idea of what makes a good vacation. You might be all about relaxing by the pool in a five-star coastal resort, and he might find it rejuvenating to hike up mountains or visit museums.
Lots of money and planning time goes into trips away, so you should be prepared to compromise.
You don’t always have to do what the other person wants, but you should design vacations that satisfy both of you.
It can be a challenge to maintain strong relationships with everybody in your life once you have a serious romantic relationship going on, but we think it’s wise to always put in the effort. For starters, good friends and family don’t deserve to be shunned just because you’ve fallen in love.
You don’t want to be that person. And it’s never a good idea to isolate yourself away from the people who care about you. In fact, if a partner is pressuring you to make that sacrifice, you might want to think about whether they’re really the best partner for you.
Fights are going to happen in relationships whether you like it or not. Influencers on Instagram who boast about relationship goals might try to convince you differently, but the truth is every healthy relationship has bumps in the road.
To survive those bumps, you should be prepared to compromise on fighting.
If you’re the type who likes to slam the door and give the silent treatment, consider meeting your partner halfway and talking things through with them instead. Consider adopting the policy that you never go to bed angry. Though you might have a fighting style, swap it for whatever is going to help the relationship prosper.
Even if you love someone, it’s never a good idea to sacrifice the basic things that are going to make you happy for them. If you’re the type of person craving a serious, monogamous relationship, is it really in your best interest to emotionally invest in someone who believes in open romance and casual flirting? Probably not.
That would be giving up the relationship you were set on. It’s difficult when you love someone who just wants something totally different from what you want, but you really have to question whether it’s worth giving up what you want to be with them.
Let’s be clear: nobody should be dictating what you can and can’t do with the money you earn. Relationships where one person controls all the finances and leaves the other person financially dependent on them, even when that person earns a living, tend to be toxic.
But if you’re serious about building a future with someone, you have to take them into account when it comes to spending.
It’s not fair to spend all your paychecks at Sephora when you’re supposed to be saving for a house together, the same way it wouldn’t be fair for them to put all their paychecks toward weekends partying it up.
While you should keep your partner in mind when trying to organize your finances, if the relationship is serious, it’s probably not a great idea to stay in a financially insecure position for them. For example, if you’re living together and they won’t contribute to rent or mortgage repayments, that could put you under strain.
Money is something every serious couple should talk about and make sure they’re on the same page with before they agree to take things further. Money isn’t more important than love, but in most cases, love isn’t worth feeling stressed over not being able to pay the bills.
Bonding time is important when it comes to romance, and if you’re lucky, you and your partner will be into the same things. But it’s also realistic that you and your partner might be interested in different things, and that’s when the compromise comes in.
It’s always good for the relationship if each person makes an effort to get involved in what’s important to the other person and when it comes to hobbies, give new things a try.
That might be going to watch them play sport, or taking a new class with them, or even getting to know how a PlayStation works.
Though wonderful, life is also cruel, harsh, and difficult. For our own mental health, we all need to include things in our daily lives that make us smile and inject a dose of happiness. If you find something that makes you feel good (and it’s obviously safe and legal!), hold onto it.
A good partner won’t force you to give up those little things that bring you peace and help you to feel good. It could be taking half an hour to have a bubble bath, flicking through a romance novel, or baking chocolate chip cookies. Don’t ever stop those little things that keep you sane.
We all have little insecurities that nag at us, and some are worse than others.
If you find that the things you’re paranoid about are starting to become an obsession and are starting to affect the happiness of your partner, it could be time to think about letting them go.
Your partner might have given you no reason not to trust them, for example, but you still continuously go off at them when you suspect they’ve been cheating or even flirting. Instead of giving into those insecurities, you should work on releasing them out of your life for the benefit of your relationship.
It might not receive as much care or be as well understood, but mental health is just as important as physical health. In our opinion, no relationship is worth sacrificing your overall emotional and mental wellbeing for. Relationships that force you to do that might involve a partner who’s constantly being unfaithful, always playing mind games, or criticizing you and slowly eating away at your self-esteem.
Watch out for those signs and monitor how you’re feeling inside rather than listening to a toxic partner. A good partner will enhance your life, not create unnecessary stress and make you feel like you’re losing your mind.
What can we say? Relationships are annoying sometimes. If things are equal in the relationship, then there will be times where both of you have to give up your creature comforts.
For example, in order to cuddle your significant other all night long, you’ll probably have to give up sleeping like a starfish.
If you’re with someone who’s always hot, you might have to get used to feeling cold and turn off the heater to suit them. It’s all about compromise. As long as both sides are equally giving up their small comforts, it’s a natural part of all relationships.
“Me Time” tends to be the first thing to go when someone gets into a serious relationship. When you’re trying to balance your significant other with family, friends, work, fitness, and hobbies, those fifteen-minute meditations and quick afternoon naps start occurring less and less.
You might want to give up that time to yourself before you give up time with your friends or time at work but think about keeping some of it. Self-care is important, don’t forget! You can’t be there for anybody else if you’re not there for yourself. R&R time will decrease, but it doesn’t have to disappear altogether.
The compromise factor needs to be turned right up when kids come into the picture. Parenting is one of those issues that you should set aside some time to sit down and talk about together before you dive into it.
If you do have majorly different ideas of what’s appropriate, you’ll both be in for a shock.
You don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with when it comes to your children, but it’s always easier if you’re open to what the other person has to say and arrive at the conversation prepared to stay open-minded and give new ideas a try.
Your relationship with yourself is the most important one you’ll ever have because it influences every other relationship in your life. If you don’t love and respect yourself, it’s virtually impossible to have a healthy bond with a romantic partner, children, friends, other family members, and anybody else.
For that reason, you should never compromise your self-worth. In other words, you should always think twice about staying in a relationship that has you feeling bad about yourself and makes you feel ashamed or worthless. A genuine partner won’t put you in that kind of position, and you shouldn’t do it to yourself either.